The Nooner: Hornblasters, White Supremacists and "The Smartest Money You'll Ever Spend In Your Life"

When MySpace Fails There's nothing better than moving to a new town and checking out their local KKK chapter for the first time, but it seems like that first meeting is inevitably marred by one of the following:

No chicks
A few chicks, all unattractive
No other members into Primus

Social-Networking-Web-2.0-Doohickeys to the rescue! The blacks and jews can have their MySpace, but for those of us concerned with preserving the sanctity of pure Aryan blood there's NewSaxon.org: An Online Community For Whites By Whites. You can't browse the profiles unless you make an account, but security is surprisingly lax - I have a teaspoon or two of questionable drops in me (in case you can't tell from my last name) but I was still able to create an account. I tried to click around a bit after I made my profile (I'm "HitlerWasAwesome" - send me a friend request!), but the site took so long to load that I eventually gave up. Maybe they should outsource their IT to Indi- oh, wait... nevermind.

Wild Card I could say all kinds of derisive things about The Back-Up, a handy little gun rack for the side of your bed, but who am I to judge? If somebody broke into my house I'd be completely defenseless. I keep my shotgun in my closet - how am I supposed to tip-toe all the way across the room while somebody is already in my house, stealing my precious diamonds and gold doubloons? The Back-Up is the perfect solution! Plus, it's got the "As Seen On TV" seal of approval on it. How am I going to argue with that? One of you guys should probably order one. They're only $39.95 - that'll put them $39.95 closer to being able to pay somebody to redesign their website. Think of it as charity, only more deadly.