The 5 Coolest Shirts on the Internet! Two New Ones from Us!

Two weeks ago, we made a promise to you. Maybe you didn't even notice at the time because you weren't listening or you were off doing at-risk youth stuff, but we pledged to release one new shirt in the Cracked Dispensary every other week from now until oblivion. That may not mean much to you, but like a desperate stepdad trying to give you a shot at predictability in your mixed-up life, it meant an awful lot to us. So much so that we doubled down on that goddamn promise and pumped out two new shirts just to surprise you.

Boom.

Boom.

Now, look -- this doesn't mean we're trying to replace your dad, that's not what we want. But we would like you to think of us as someone you can depend on ... specifically for on-time T-shirt designs. It would mean a whole lot to your mother as well, champ.

Federation Anarchy

The 5 Coolest Shirts on the Internet! Two New Ones from Us!

We've mentioned before on Cracked that Star Trek was essentially Gene Roddenberry's wet dream for an egalitarian future without any dependency on capitalism. Coincidentally, that also happens to be the goal of anarchy. Even though the Federation has a hierarchy based on jumpsuit color, everyone is careening through the universe in a society where law and freedom exist without force. Star Trek is an accidental anarchic utopia. We aren't making that up; we just connected the dots, and it happened to form this symbol.

This design was created by Cracked regular Jaime Kuroiwa, and it was the winner of a contest we hold every month for new T-shirt ideas. We like supporting artists in any way we can, so if you'd like to submit a design to us and it fits the premise for the contest of the month, we'd love to see it. If we like it, we'll pay you $500 for it.

Owls Are Stupid

Hey, everyone -- stop making clip art of owls in graduation caps. Humanity collectively decided at some point that owls were wise and then never bothered to fact check that assertion. Make no mistake, owls are dumb. They are some of the dumbest birds to ever careen into your plate-glass window. It's an embarrassment to crows and ravens that we've allowed owls to become synonymous with intelligence all these years. Let's end this vicious cycle of ignorance; everyone deserves to know that they look like an idiot when they use clip art of an owl in a graduation cap or when they stitch owls wearing spectacles onto throw pillows on Etsy. Change starts with you.

Our Weekly Dose of Envy

Now even the collective unadulterated genius of our hotshot staff isn't enough to think of every great T-shirt design in the world. Occasionally while looking around the Internet, we stumble onto a design so perfect, funny, or just cool that we're jealous we didn't think of it first. In honor of those artists who beat us to the punch, we want to share our five favorites from around the Web. To the five of you, we offer a hearty congratulations on being great, as well as the best wishes from all of us that you get poked in the eye a little.