Techno Vikings, Sexy Escaped Convicts and Journalists Discover the Internet: The Nooner

Awesome Video Of The Day The Techno Viking Remember in history class when they tried to teach you about the impact World War II had on Germany? That was a total waste of time. Watch three minutes of The Techno Viking in action and you'll learn way more than you ever could in an entire semester of book-readin'. For example, I now know that if you're German it makes sense that...
  • There's a rave going on in the middle of the street.
  • There's a Viking dancing at the rave.
  • The Viking has an entourage.
  • I can understand the entourage part, I guess. If you lived in a city where a Techno Viking ran the party-street, wouldn't you want to be a part of his crew? Ideally the guy handing him bottles of water while he's dancing? A Techno Viking needs to be properly hydrated. If there has to be a terrifying, ecstasy-fueled Techno Viking running the streets, you might as well try to be the guy that brings him water. Think long-term. It's videos like this that remind me how glad I am to live in America. The next time I pass one of the gangbangers that run my block, I'll be sure to thank them. "Hey, bro. Thanks for not being a Techno Viking," I'll say. They'll like that.

    Sexy Halloween 2007 Sexy Costume #2: Sexy Escaped Convict Was the
    "Sexy Jailbird" too cutesy for your tastes? Too subtle, perhaps? If you want to let the party know you're desperate - and maybe a little dangerous - the "Sexy Escaped Convict" might be the costume for you. According to
    "Sexy escaped convict costume is for any woman wanted to run away... Accessorize with fishnet pantyhose, ball and chain and shackles and be ready to be captured or get away."
    I have no idea what that means, but I have a feeling it's sexy. It's got fishnets! Sure To Attract Guys Dressed Up Like: Agent Smith, Richard Nixon, A "Crazy" Doctor Sexy Factor (out of 10): 2

    Wild Card Extra, Extra! Reporter Discovers The Internet! Reuters reported yesterday that people are searching for naughty things on the internet. As if that weren't bad enough, some of the keywords allegedly included "Sex," "Hitler," "Burrito," and "Viagra." Can you believe it? In case you were wondering, the source for the article was "data from 2004 to the present retrievable on the "Google Trends" Web site." I'm immediate suspicious of anyone who makes the word "website" two words. Anyone worth their weight in internet has probably been screwing around with Google Trends long enough to know this is old news. Besides, they don't need to pay some fat cat journalist millions of dollars to dig this crap up! For a small fee, I would've been glad to tell them that anal was more popular than Africa for most of 2006, or that soup is more popular than drywall. All they had to do was ask! By the way, Reuters: You're less popular than cancer. That's gotta sting.
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