The Hulk Should Be A YouTube Yoga Instructor
I'd imagine that being a nuclear physicist would be a really frustrating job. No wonder Bruce Banner can't stop Hulking out. He probably gets mad at electrons, rips his shirt, and smashes a microscope every other day. What good is science doing him? It's just making him angry, and you wouldn't ... actually, I kind of like him better when he's angry. He's a little whiny when he's not the Hulk.
To help keep his anger in check, Bruce needs to do something relaxing and peaceful like yoga. But he can't interact with people on a daily basis. Luckily, on YouTube he can teach yoga from anywhere without having to actually interact with gross sweaty people in any way. He can survive deep in the mountains of wherever there is still internet connectivity, and do his job without smashing anything more than a couple of stupid endangered animals.
The added bonus is that when the government needs the Hulk, they can just helicopter him over whichever city needs some Hulking and read him the comments section from his YouTube page. I can already hear him bellowing "Hulk's purple pants not stuuuuuupiiiiiid!" as he plummets to the ground.
Now, understand that I'm not saying that YouTube yoga instructors make a ton of money. I'm saying that Bruce really doesn't need it. If he's living away from society, he has to keep himself busy. When he's not yoga-streaming, he should be keeping his mind occupied by growing food, making clothes ... just basically going full hippie.
Superman Should Just Start A Patreon
In the era Superman was created in, it made perfect sense for him to be a newsman. Of course, it also made perfect sense to let babies smoke cigarettes because they were so good for you. It's a different time now, and working at a newspaper isn't the glamorous gig it used to be. No one is throwing their underwear at rock star reporters, unless they work for Fox News and I'm trying to strangle them with my bra.
Not only is it no longer a "cool" job, but it's also now insanely easy for him to get caught. He's hanging around people whose job it is to sniff out lies, and I know it's been said before, but the only difference between Superman and Clark Kent is a cute jumpsuit and some Six Flags Man glasses. Besides, wouldn't the world be a safer place if Superman wasn't spending 50 percent of his time dicking around at The Daily Planet?
Not to mention that the median income of a newspaper reporter is around $34,000 per year. In a major city, that would let you afford roughly four square feet of sidewalk as your bedroom.
But what job can Superman possibly do where people won't recognize him? He's going to be too good at any job he attempts. Say he goes into construction and one of his co-workers falls off the building they're working on. Is he not going to fly down and catch him? If he becomes a doctor, he could slip and tell someone their bone is broken before an X-ray has been done. The world is simply too dangerous of a place for a Superman. He just needs to lean full force into his superhero identity and start a Patreon.
It can say,"Hi, I'm Superman. Did I save your life, or a loved one's life, or the entire planet you live on? Please consider donating five dollars." Bam, he's instantly Batman-wealthy without having to hear the story of his dead parents over and over and over again. I mean, this guy makes over $54,000 per MONTH on Patreon. Imagine how much Superman would make if he just asked for it.
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