Spice Girls Taking It Hard From Down Under

February 06, 2008 Add Cracked to Google

Yeah, that's right. This is my third post on the Spice Girls. Deal with it. Good things happen when I blog about the Spice Girls. For example, the last time I wrote about them, Cracked reader "Jeb" brought the picture on the right to my attention. That's Emma "Baby Spice" Bunton. True, this post is about all of the Spice Girls so let's just go ahead and assume the rest of the ladies are in one of those buildings in the background. Does that work for you? So, anyway, after some disappointing ticket sales, the Spice Girls have canceled about half of their reunion tour, completely eliminating dates in countries such as Australia. But, poor ticket sales or not, Australia is pissed. And they’re not staying quiet about it:

Aussie devotees ... have been bombarding unofficial websites like SpiceGirls.co.uk, as well as the group's official MySpace webpage with messages of abuse. One fan writes: "They have known all along when their kids go to school or whatever. It's a crappy excuse, really it's all just about money... they've made enough now so who cares about anywhere else right?" And other fans have turned their backs on the pop stars for good. Another adds: "I am absolutely disgusted in them. Most of us have been waiting years for this and they have just ruined it all for us. As far as I am concerned, they have just lost another fan. So much for girl power."

But I guess the Spice Girls shouldn’t be surprised. Australians have never let the commercial realities of a changing market prevent them from writing angry letters to celebs. Indeed, as indicated below, Aussies save their greatest wrath for their own: __________________ Dear Yahoo Serious,

WTF?! Three movies and then nothing? Imagine my surprise when I went down to my local cinema and was informed no Yahoo Serious movie was playing. OK, OK, I thought. Everyone deserves a vacation. But I have now been told that “no Yahoo Serious movie is playing” every day for the last eight years. Hello? I’m waiting? And don’t tell me there’s no market for Young Einstein II. I saw the first one like twenty times. Even if a new one is half as good I’d still see it like ten times. I guess some people are such big celebs they don’t need that kind of money. Piss off, Jeremy ________________ Dear Jacko, I regret to inform you that you are no longer my hero. Your work for the Energizer corporation will live on fondly in my heart, but I must move on. For over 15 years I’ve waited for you to return in your tight black muscle shirt and crush the Energizer Bunny that took your place, but nothing. I’m sure Energizer would have you back. I mean, I can’t believe that stupid bunny is working very well for them. The fault must lie with you. You just don’t want it enough. Goodbye. Regretfully,

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Bruce _________________ Dear Dingo that ate Meryl Streep’s baby in Cry In The Dark, Rare is the performer who can indoctrinate himself into the public’s consciousness with just one movie appearance. But you did it. And I applaud you. I understand that when you’ve had success like that, it’s hard to know what to do next. But surely, you can’t just quit. Your fans await you. Perhaps, a Turner & Hooch remake Aussie-style? Or Eatin’ 2. Electric Dingaloo? Something! Your fans need to know that celebrities can have a second act. Please give us hope. Sincerely, Paul Hogan

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