Bill Maher Mistakenly Believes That There Are No Nepo Babies in Pro Sports
The son of a radio announcer called professional sports the last true meritocracies
- Authors
- By Keegan Kelly
- Published
- Comments
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10
10 12 People Who Retaliated Against Minor Slights in Petty and Over-the-Top Ways
Zach Braff once assaulted a preteen because he thought he vandalized his car.
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- By Andrea Meno, Andres Diplotti
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Iconic Comedy Duos That Could Give the Disgusting Brothers from 'Succession' a Run for Their Money
If only Logan Roy's security cams could capture some of this action.
- Authors
- By Matt Solomon
- Published
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- 0
The Meanest, Dirtiest and Most Offensive Jokes Gilbert Gottfried Ever Told at a Comedy Central Roast
What you’re about to read is not for the faint of heart
- Authors
- By Dan Fritschie
- Published
- Comments
- 0
‘Scrubs’ Creator Bill Lawrence Threatens That Reunion Movie Is ‘Inevitable’
The series should have gotten a DNR after its unimpressive ninth season
- Authors
- By Keegan Kelly
- Published
- Comments
- 0
Rachel Bilson Destroys My Delusion And Lies About It Badly
- By:
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![Gladstone]()
Gladstone
Gladstone
Rachel Bilson is more than just attractive; she's attractive in a way that allows delusional guys to think they could hook up with her one day. She's a naughty sex diva. But she's also like your best friend's little sister who wants to have sex with you ---as practice--- before she goes off to college a virgin. (That happens right?)
In any event, the dream is over. Rachel has done something unforgivable. Something so irrevocably horrible that she's been removed permanently from the masturbatory minds of pubescents and dirty old men alike: she's started dating that whiny, Star Wars-ruining, cry-baby. No, not George Lucas. She's going out with, the chosen one, Hayden Christensen. The actor who answered the question, what if the great Sith Lord Darth Vader were a smug little twit who threw tantrums like the kid down the street who took his Nerf ball and went home when he started losing?
And while Rachel's decision is soul-crushing, at least she has the good sense to lie about it. When asked what the "H" on her bracelet stood for, Bilson denied it had anything to do with Hayden, and, instead, replied:
- Heroin. I'm tragically addicted to heroin.
- Herpes. My vagina is incurably riddled with Herpes.
- Hell. I love Hell, and I am a pround member of the Church of Satan.
- Hitler. I'm not a neo-Nazi, but what can I say? I dig Der Fuhrer.
- Hermaphrodite. I, Rachel Bilson, am a Hermaphrodite. But rest assured, neither my penis nor vagina is gonna get anywhere near that douche Hayden Christensen.
Gladstone writes for Cracked and others. Check out his latest offering or go to Wayne Gladstone Lives in Maine to see all his published stuff, his full name, and state of residence.
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