Every issue of every woman's magazine has an expansive new list of love-making secrets. How is that possible? Do women's magazine editors reshape their genitals every 30 days? Are there really so many poontang discoveries being made that you can tell us 50 new stunts to perform on one each month? It's like they're writing articles specifically for Ice T to pleasure the dunes of his wife's ever-shifting booty landscape. I always thought I had the qualities to be a great women's magazine editor. I'm constantly listing things your vaginas should do. I'm morally reprehensible and judgmental. Plus check out this sex advice: Ladies, if you and your sex partner need a Cosmopolitan top 10 list to find your g-spot, let me spoil the ending: apology and a good night's sleep. Besides, the g-spot is all a big snipe hunt invented by the pipe cleaner industry anyway. There's only one g-spot and it moves from woman to woman. It's invisible to science and the only thing you can be sure of is that it's never in the woman you're digging around in. For more tips for the woman and the home, please enjoy Penis: For Women.
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Buckle up. This article is gonna be wild.