New Dane Cook Comedy Could Be Worst Reviewed Movie Ever
Dane Cook, the coked up Fraggle who took the comedy world by storm last year, has his first star vehicle coming out today. Since I'm a fan of comedy, seeing it ranks somewhere around taking a jog while holding in an immense dump on the list of things I want to do this weekend. But I've been closely monitoring its reviews on Rotten Tomatoes because I'm utterly convinced that this movie will end Dane Cook's career. I'm not saying that because of the Fuck Dane Cook sentiment that's been growing on the web over the past 12 months (the internet was fucking PSYCHED for Snakes on a Plane, and look where that movie landed). But when I saw the previews for Good Luck Chuck at the beginning of the summer there were audible groans in the theatre, a bad sign since these folks would soon be laughing uproariously at a wise cracking Justin Long. It wasn't clear what was wrong. The premise isn't any worse than your typical Farelly Brothers flick, Jessica Alba was showing dramatic range by wearing panties with a penguin over the pubic mound, and Dane Cook was doing his zany fist pumping thing. And then I noticed it: Dane Cook has
Polar Express eyes. That is to say they are creepily dead, and incapable of conveying emotion. See?