10 Michelle Wolf Jokes for the Hall of Fame

‘Brides will say things like, ‘It’s my special day.’ But how do you call it your day if your dad’s paying for it? I think it’s his day, and I think it’s a really weird day for him. He’s paying a ton of money to make sure a man has sex with you that night’

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CNN Waaaay Too Excited About a Teen ‘Sex in the City’ (or Speaking of Teens That Will Land Me In Jail)

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So in today's episode, I count off CNN's truly disturbing attempts to cast a teen version of Sex and the City with a bunch of jailbait celebrities. Speaking of jailbait, today's shoutout goes to two teenage girls who have absolutely nothing in common except for their alleged (and highly dubious) desire to marry me. If you read the comments (like I do while wearing a velvet robe and sitting in a chair of fine mahogany and leather) you might realize I'm talking about our own Nerdlette and Direwookie. But which to marry? One lives in Canada (somewhere); the other lives in Texas. One is a future Greenpeace activist; the other shoots guns and likes Sarah Palin's style One looks like Tina Fey's punk rock niece; the other, the love child of Jamie Lee Curtis and Nicole Kidman. I can't decide. I have so many questions: Will their boyfriends mind? How about my wife? And just how illegal would it be for me to even exchange an erotic email with them? (Answer: very, very illegal). Ultimately, I think this should be decided by cage match, but that's my answer for everything.

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