Justin Timberlake Denies Reports That He Is Dating God

March 12, 2008 Add Cracked to Google

Every once in awhile the media exalts some random celebrity to renaissance man status. Right now, that man is Justin Timberlake. First, he was a successful boybander. Then, a hit solo artist. Then he turned up in a movie. It doesn't matter that it was a rape fantasy soft core midget porn movie; it was still a movie!! And now the Grammy winner is executive producer on a new show called My Problems With Women. Wow. Is there anything this annoying, no-talent, scrawny piece of a shit can't do? He's really got it all:

• Crying like a little bitch on Punk'd? Check!
• Satisfying his older lady fantasies with the only "beautiful" woman who bears a resemblance to Max Schmelling? Check!!
• Somehow capturing the look of BOTH redneck white trash and Orthodox Jew? Check!!!

Seriously, enough with this guy. Men will admit that Brad Pitt and George Clooney are attractive. Men don't even mind that their girlfriends openly masturbate during Oceans 11

. But I have yet to meet one dude who looked in the mirror and said, "Damn, I wish I looked more like the sniveling little brother of a bayou serial rapist." I'm not buying it. Timberlake is not Da Vinci. He's just some dude. If he were taking your order at the McDonalds Drive Thru, you'd definitely double-check the bag before driving away. And you just KNOW, he'd totally forget the Sweet N' Sour sauce you clearly asked for. Am I wrong?

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