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The original title of this post was "It's Just a Stupid Fucking Baby You Fat Jerkoffs," but Cracked Editor Jack O'Brien suggested I change it to something catchier and not so immediately insulting. Whatever. Apparently, Jennifer Lopez and whoever she's "married" to right now
were paid $6 Million for pictures of their stupid fucking babies by
People Magazine. Granted, I make almost three times that amount each year as a Cracked Blogger, but I'd have quit a long time ago if I'd have known you can make $6 million just for a couple of baby pictures. You want babies,
People Magazine? You want babies!? I'll give you babies. I've got babies pouring out my god damn ass, (it's a pretty new procedure), and you don't even need to charge me as much as you charged J-Lo. $5 Million. $5 Million dollars and you can have pictures of as many babies as you want. You want a little baby pyramid? I can
get that shit for you, People, just say the word.
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To be honest, I'm really pretty furious about this. Not just because I know that no one will ever pay me to see pictures of whatever babies are floating around Southern Florida that may or may not be mine, (tests come back Wednesday), but because… well, $6 Million? $6 Million? Really? For stupid fucking babies? Has anyone taken a second to step back and