I HAVE No Change Jar!

My finacee and I have a big glass jar where we save our change, and every couple of months when the jar is full, we jaunt down to the local Coinstar and marvel at our newfound twelve dollar fortune. It’s not exactly free money, but it feels like free money, and the frozen yogurt we invariable purchase with it tastes all the sweeter. Well, you can call me petty, but finding out that someone just exchanged their collection of 301 pennies for 10.7 million dollars has officially ruined that ritual for me. I loathe my change jar now. I grimace at it whenever I walk in as if to say “oh, it’s
Continue Reading Below

Advertisement

you.” I resent its laziness and wonder aloud to people whether it’s even worth the trip to cash in. “What can you buy with twelve dollars in today's economy anyway?” I ask pointedly, glancing down at the jar. Sometimes when I’m drunk I scream at it to “get a job” and knock it to the ground, scattering near-worthless nickels everywhere. Admittedly, the guy’s penny collection included one that was only minted for two weeks in 1793 because Congress thought Lady Liberty looked frightened, but does that really warrant the exchange of millions of dollars? What service has been rendered here? The only thing that makes it okay is that the guy was the owner of an aerospace-part manufacturing company. I don’t know exactly what that means, except that it means he was probably already rich, so the ten mil will be just as worthless to him as my shiftless, scheming change jar is to me. If anyone needs me, I’ll be scrupulously examining my change trying to find a picture of George Washington looking pensive.
When not blogging for Cracked, Michael makes economically unviable videos as head writer and co-founder of Those Aren't Muskets!
To turn on reply notifications, click here

33 Comments

Load Comments

More Blogs

12 Weird Changes The Government Asked Famous Movies to Make

Sometimes it's just a matter of making the US Department of Defense look, like, REALLY cool.

126

5 Apocalypse Scenarios You Should Stop Worrying About

Actual impending doom like global climate change or mass extinction just makes people bored.

182

11 Everyday Gadgets That Just Wouldn't Die

Nothing lasts forever ... except these things.

95

The 5 Worst Changes The MCU Made To The Source Material

In some cases, the Marvel source material just did better.

163

5 Horror Movie Characters Who Deserve More Credit

These characters are amazing with or without ample amounts of screen time.

52

5 Mobile App Scams That Just Keep Getting Worse

Google's algorithms know us better than we know ourselves.

76