How To Train An Army of Animals To Do Your Bidding

Screams "I demand respect!" Also, "RAAAAAWR!"
Other ideas in the same vein: - Penguin drawn carriage. - A basket tethered to hundreds of owls. - Hamster shoes.* *Until science breeds a stronger hamster (write your Congressman) you may have to make do with lying down very carefully on a group of about 80 trained hamsters and crowd surfing about. Still pretty cool. Impressing women: It's a simple fact of life that women tend to be more attracted to successful men, and particularly men with power. And if your career at Orange Julius is leaving you feeling a little low in the "success" and "power" departments, why not give a boost to your sex life by acquiring an army of loyal animal minions? The solution is so obvious!
"Yes I would like to go to the park and watch a pack of dingos tear apart people of your choosing!"
A word regarding the classic motivation balance of the carrot or the stick: beating an animal with a carrot is largely ineffective.