You'll Totally Want To Blow Your Tax Refund On These Doodads
This piece was written by the people who run the Cracked Store to tell you about products that are being sold there.
Filing taxes sucks. It sucks that the forms are so complicated. It sucks that they randomly hit you in the middle of April. If you're poor, it sucks that people who have ungodly amounts of money don't shoulder a larger share of the burden. If you're rich, it sucks because ... a lot of paperwork, we guess. But the one thing about tax season that brings everybody together is that sweet, sweet refund money. And that's where we come in. So celebrate another year of fiscal responsibility and treat yourself to anything and everything on this list of perfectly extraneous purchases:
Steel Man MicroUSB Charging Cables
Sadly, Iron Man wasn't available to endorse this smartphone charging cable. Instead they got his lesser-known cousin, Steel Man, whom we swear is totally real. Steel Man will have you know that he's just as good as Iron Man, but happens to come at a much lower price. He'll also have you know that he's unrelated to Superman, and "Goddammit, why does everybody keep mixing us up?" This micro USB is protected by TPE wrapping and a connector shell cast in the likeness of a generic helmeted comics guy. Pick one up here for $9.99.
World's Smallest Camera Drone + 2GB Micro SD Card
You can do your part in assisting national surveillance efforts with this cute little camera drone. This quadcopter can be launched from your hand, with enough rechargeable battery life for a 30-minute spying session, which is just enough time to narc on all of your friends and family. It records video onto an included micro SD card -- Uncle Sam's favorite, most discreet digital storage format. Do your patriotic duty for just $24.99.
Man Card Bottle Opener Two-Pack
Man cards aren't just abstract social currency you accumulate by firing guns, interrupting people, and, of course, respecting women. They're also these credit-card-sized stamped steel plates that open bottles, keep your wallet sturdy, and open you up to all sorts of potential MacGyvering. And you get two in a pack, so you can theatrically grant them to the man (OR woman) of your choice. Oooh-rah! Get 'em for $19.99.
Layze Phone Holder
Have you ever been watching TV, one hand stuffed in a bowl of popcorn, the other hand stuffed down your pants, and thought to yourself, "Man, I sure wish I could see my phone without shifting my position"? Well fear not, because the god of laziness has answered your prayers. This malleable smartphone holder lets you watch things on your tiny screen, take steadier pictures, or eliminate the wrist fatigue from extended FaceTime sessions. Pick one up for $19.99.
Beer Chilling Stick Two-Pack
Beer that isn't cold is like summers that aren't warm or soft pretzels without cheese sauce. This stainless steel freezer wand will keep your beer cool on a hot day while you munch on a cheese-saturated piece of salted dough. Best of all, it means you no longer have to lug a cooler up the stadium steps every time you catch a ballgame. Grab two of these chilling sticks for $18.99.
Ultimate Fidgeters Bundle
This two-pack of fidget stoppers is perfect when humming your daily mantra just isn't enough to keep you on task. Would changing your mantra to something with fewer expletives be more helpful? Possibly. But this stress block has six sides of mechanical widgets, and mastering the spinner's weighted bearing can keep you entertained for hours, so we're willing to bet that this method of concentration is way more fun. Get both of them here for $24.99.
KlikR Universal Remote Control
For as long as humans have had television, they have dreamed of controlling it with angry yells and grunts. Today that dream has become a reality with this appliance-to-smartphone bridge. It sticks on any infrared receiver, so you can pull some spooky poltergeist pranks, or simply use your God-given vocals to command the television to your bidding. Grab the KlikR Universal Remote Control for $19.99.
Gamevice For iPhone + $10 iTunes Gift Card
Touchscreens are great when it comes looking trendy and keeping your design minimalist, but when it comes to gaming competitively, they become smudge screens of hell. You can fix all that with the Gamevice, an iPhone grip that gives you real, physical buttons and joysticks to better enjoy controller-optimized games. And don't worry, you can still shout "lag" every time you lose. This MFi-certified gamepad can be had for $99.95.
Self-Stirring Camera Lens Mug
There's no need to carry around a huge DSLR to trick people into thinking you are an artist. All you need is this camera lens coffee mug. Tell people about how you were the Beatles concert photographer, and that time you spilled coffee on John Lennon's dungarees. Most likely nobody will believe you, but hey, at least you still have the most unique coffee mug they've ever seen. Pick up one of these clever frauds for $12.99.