'Watchmen' Fan Cordially Invites Fox to Eat Several Dicks
Eat all the dicks.
PS (Okay, let me clarify a little bit for anyone who might be reading this letter that isn't either a)obsessed with The Watchmen or b) the head of the Fox Corporation.) Back in the 80s, Fox purchased the rights to a Watchmen movie and celebrated by not making it for 20 years. Now, Warner Brothers respected their decision but, oddly enough, felt that a Watchmen movie would look better if it was actually, you know, made. So, Warner Brothers decided to make it. They announced their plans well over a year ago and Watchmen is now one of the most anticipated movies of the year. If you saw The Dark Knight and, statistically speaking, you probably did, then you already saw the trailer. If you're me and, statistically speaking, you're probably not, then you went back to your apartment and watched the trailer on Youtube over and over again and experienced an odd yet not totally unexpected sense of profound sexual arousal that you could really only describe as
If you're Fox, you patiently waited until the excitement over the movie reached a boner-inducing fever pitch, and then you decided to sue Warner Brothers and, according to the New York Times, you won. On Christmas Eve, a judge ruled that Fox has the right to, at the very least, distribute The Watchmen. Will they try to stop the release of the movie? Probably not, (though they certainly could). Will they try to change it? Again, no. Will they make some fat cash off of it? Certainly. Should they eat all the dicks? Without a doubt. Now, Fox, I know that you didn't
This is Rupert Murdoch. He owns Fox and has more money than you'll ever have. Also, look at his weird face.And, when the law is on your side, it's easy for you to argue that I don't have a leg to stand on and, at the end of the day, you're right. You're a business, and you made what is perhaps the smartest move a business could make. You struck at the last second, thereby forcing Warner Brothers' hand. They'll have to settle with you, and they'll have to pay whatever exorbitant sums you want, or else they can just refuse to distribute the film, which, given the anticipation, will screw Warner Brothers pretty hard. But I don't give a shit about the law right now, (or, hey, while we're at it, ever). When it comes down to it, Zack Snyder worked hard on this movie. All of the actors and all of the crew members worked hard on it. The producers took a risk by giving Snyder complete creative control and a buttload of money. This is a movie that fans have been praying and begging for for
Flop flop flop flop flop.A lot of people worked hard to make this movie what the fans want it to be and, based on the trailer, the behind the scenes video clips, most of the early reviews, this is as close as anyone will come. You, Fox, did not do any of the work to get this movie to where it is, but you're still going to make money off of it. And that's a concept that I don't quite understand, and I never will understand it. I can't imagine that Warner Brothers has money tucked away specifically to pay to you, Fox, so I have to assume that whatever money goes to you was originally intended for someone else, someone who probably actually deserves it. You haven't been able to make a decent hit blockbuster, so you're pulling this crap. And that, Fox, you shameless, opportunistic, greedy, jealous, petty shit-parade, brings me back to my original thesis: Eat all the dicks. Open your bitter, miserable mouth and eat all the dicks. Stop using that mouth of yours to whine, and get started on all these dicks you need to be eating. Keep eating dicks, even at night, even on weekends. Intuition will tell you that you've had enough dicks, but you will be wrong: You will never have eaten enough dicks. You may complain that what you're doing is perfectly legal, but I'd argue that I've never read a law that specifically prohibits force-feeding a lethal amount of dicks down someone's throat, (though, I'll admit, I'm almost positive there is one). You may say "I don't care what you think, DOB," to which I'd respond, "That's some tough talk for someone with an acre of dicks in their mouth." And even when you meekly protest that they don't measure dicks in acres, I won't be able to hear you. Because of all the dicks.