The Christian Bale Flip Out According to the Other Guy
Sooooo fuckin' stoked, today. I applied to be the Director of Photography for the new Terminator movie and I just got the call- I GOT IT! I'm so balls-to-the-walls amped about this because CHRISTIAN MOTHERFUCKING BALE is gonna be in this movie! We're gonna work together and probably hang out, literally, every day and night. No lie, we're probably gonna become totally best bros after this because I'm one of, if not, the most talented Directors of Photography in the greater Burbank area. He's gonna be so impressed with my DP'ing and we're gonna turn into like a mad powerful Hollywood duo, like makin' deals every day. This is gonna be the
He's saying "in the future" because I think he knows how tight were gonna be. Next movie's gonna The Adventures of Batman and Shane, ya heard? DAY 3 Christian is such a totally cool dude. I got him to sign a whole bunch of shit today, INCLUDING my copy of
DAY 8 No lie, today was literally the best day of my life. We were filming a scene for the Terminator movie and C-Bale (I think it's safe to call him "C-Bale" now because we're basically like best bros, we're gonna hang out), he, like, shot this robot in the head or whatever and was being intense in the movie and I was like, "Yo, I bet his heart is beating mad fast right now," so I snuck in so you could barely see me and I captured the sound of his heartbeat for the audio.
Everybody was real impressed and the sound is so fucking intense. Not to brag or anything, but I'd make a seriously great sound engineer, I'm just great with natural sounds, you know? Everyone always says so. I'm like a painter but the paint is sound, and the canvas is like a microphone and the paintbrushes are also sounds. Anyway they have to film that same scene again tomorrow for some reason, so I think I might try to get a different angle on his heartbeat. DAY 11 Surprised C-Bale at his house today at like 2 AM to go partying. He wasn't in the mood to party. We'll probably go tomorrow or whatever. DAY 15 C-Bale was a little weird today, I don't know what his deal was. The thing was, he was doing this real close-up scene with this other guy in the movie and they were talking and arguing about the robots (or maybe the one dude was a robot), and it was all intense but I was thinking to myself like, "Yo, there's
Anyway C-Bale pulled me aside later, 'cause we're mad tight and all, and he's like, "I appreciate what you did but, in the future, I'd rather have a little bit of space while we're filming the scenes. I'm not at all trying to be rude or condescending, but it can just be a bit distracting when someone who
Right? No lie, I've never done any professional acting before, but I think I nailed it. I was just like, "Okay, Shane-Dog, pretend you're kicking mad robots and shit" and then that shit just came out of me like I'm Guy Pearce or whatever, kicking robots. I'm a really great DP and everything and I love my work, but if the right project came along I seriously think I might consider starring in a movie. Me and C-Bale were talking about doing a movie together. Or not talking about it, but we're gonna have a meeting together to discuss. I am going to mention it to him.
So excuuuuse me if my job was getting in the way of your "acting" or whatever. And you know what's worse? I was cheering him on the whole time. No lie, I used to do Ultimate Frisbee in college (no lie, I was great) and it always helped