‘Gramsplaining’: Old Ladies Overestimate Their Intelligence As Much As Young Men

A new study says that the only bigger know-it-all than a tech bro is your grandma

Authors: By Lauren Vinopal
Published: February 04, 2023
Comments: 0

‘It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia’ Deleted Scenes That Actually Deserved to Be Seen

The best stuff we could find by rifling through the Gang’s trash

Authors: By Maxwell Yezpitelok
Published: February 04, 2023
Comments: 0

15 Earth-Shaking Hunks of Trivia We Learned This Week

George Carlin had trouble talking into a mic without an audience to look at

Authors: By Ryan Menezes
Published: February 04, 2023
Comments: 0

15 of the Best Jokes and Moments from ‘Saturday Night Live’ Monologues

‘You know, I’m not new to live TV — in 1952, I starred in my first live sitcom, which was ‘Life with Elizabeth,’ joked Betty White. ‘And, of course, back then we didn’t want to do it live. We just didn’t know how to tape things. So I don’t know what this show’s excuse is.’

Authors: By Dan Fritschie
Published: February 04, 2023
Comments: 0

15 Trivia Tidbits About ‘Malcolm in the Middle’

The show’s producers asked the immortal question: ‘What won’t Bryan Cranston do?’

Authors: By Zanandi Botes
Published: February 04, 2023
Comments: 0

Clippy Finally Messes With the Wrong Word Doc

By:: Robert Brockway

August 24, 2009

It’s common knowledge that the greater and more vital an empire is, the grander and more stylish their haircuts. The ceasars…

What the hell? Clippy? Where did you come from? What is this, 1995?

Oh… god… dammit.

No, listen man: I’ve got work to do here, I’ve got a headache that would wound a god and you’re breaking my flow. Can you just, I don’t know, fuck off for a while?

Ahh, fine. Yes, I suppose I would.

… what?

Hey, man, I’m sorry to hear –

OK! Jesus. I get it. You can stay; just keep out of my way, alright?

You uppity little bastard. I swear to Christ if you don’t knock it off I’ll goddamn delete you.

You wouldn’t.

OK! You can… just do whatever, man. I’ve got to get back to work here. Just try not to be too intrusive. Where was I? Oh, right…

The Caesars ruled most of the known Earth in their day, and the rigid, firm lines of iron discipline in the Caesar Cut reflects this trend-

GODDAMMIT THAT IS IT.

Oh no, Clippy. I’m not going to take you out. You’re totally right. I can’t touch you. But what’s this? What are these subroutines here? C:/Windows/Programs/MS_word/Clippy/Family?

Your daughter, little Clippette, your boy, Clippy, Jr., even your wife Wendy is here. Funny, I’ve never seen them around. Must not be vital to the program, eh?

What was that? I’m sorry, I was away for a second. Doing some cleanup.

I just deleted your wife. Oh, and what’s that? Clippy, Jr.'s, file is corrupted? Little Clippette’s too? Oh, that’s just terrible. Clippy, it… it looks like you’ve got two mentally handicapped kids to take care of now.

I did it, Clippy. I retarded your kids. Are you strong enough for that, Clippy? Are you strong enough to raise two motherless special needs children? Are you strong enough to take care of them, every moment of every day for the rest of their lives? Are you strong enough to do it alone? Are you strong enough to look into their faces and not see the love you lost?

Ouch. Rookie move, Clippy. Everybody knows you’re supposed to go through the mouth for a sure kill. Do I have to finish this for you?

N’gggyleth kkkul N’kkul N’gggyleth Wattqawa Cthulhu! Ry’leth Avk Rttleh Cthulhu!

CTHULHU TKKE TKKE N’GGGYLETH CTHULU CLIPPY!

Right. So. Where was I again? The Mohawks were among Native America’s fiercest tribes, and the primal spike of the Mohawk Cut echoes that warrior legacy to this day. Sadly, however, the reverse is also true: The shittier an empire, the shittier the haircut. With that in mind, we present to you the 17 Worst Haircuts in The Ottoman Empire…

You can pre-order Robert's book, Everything is Going to Kill Everybody on Amazon, or find him on Twitter, Facebook and his own site, I Fight Robots, where you can read more jokes almost as edgy as archaic word processing humor.