The Top 5 Nooners: #1 Things That Rhyme With

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This week, while Ross is in the mountains of Mexico training for his new role as a Cracked columnist, we're counting down our favorite Nooners from five to one. And we are at #1, Ross's favorite and one of the great moments of voice over narration ever caught on film. Awesome Video Of The Day "OH MY GOD! CASNADIAN DESTROYER!" On a first viewing without any context, today's video is pretty so-so: Some kids attempt a "Canadian Destroyer" in their backyard and look stupid. Go ahead and hit play. It's only 10 seconds long - I'll wait. Finished? Ok, good. Now you might be wondering to yourself, "Why did the kid scream "PARANOIAAAAA!" at the end there?" Don't worry - the uploader was kind enough to explain it in the "About This Video" section:
"ok this is our second destroyer but i have to talk about the announcer,camera guy.ok thats our frend carney and he wanted to rhyme something with canadian destroyer and he sounded like an idiot,i know he sounds gay too but try to pay attention to the move"
I don't know why, but watching it again armed with that knowledge makes it about a thousand times better. It helps that his name is Carney, I guess, but mostly I just like the fact that he screamed "PARANOIAAAA!" because it was the first thing that popped into his head that rhymes with "Destroyer." Two problems there: First of all, "paranoia" DOESN'T rhyme with "destroyer." Secondly, even if it did rhyme it still wouldn't make any sense. Carney, if you somehow end up reading this, here's a list of post-Casnadian Destroyer taglines that work a little better:
  • OH MY GOD!!! CASNADIAN DESTROYER!!! CALL A LAWYER!!!"
  • OH MY GOD!!! CASNADIAN DESTROYER!!! I'LL BE IN THE FOYER!!!"
  • OH MY GOD!!! CASNADIAN DESTROYER!!! MINI-ME WAS PLAYED BY VERNE TROYER!!!"
  • OH MY GOD!!! CASNADIAN DESTROYER!!! "CALL YOUR EMPLOYER (TO LET HIM KNOW YOU WON'T BE COMING IN TO WORK TOMORROW ON ACCOUNT OF THE FACT THAT YOU JUST GOT CASNADIAN DESTROYED)!!!"
Pointless Blog Roundup Pointless Blog #3: Barcodepedia.com Today's entry isn't necessarily a blog per se, but it's so spectacularly yawn-inducing that I thought it would be a crime not to mention it. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you Barcodepedia. It's exactly what you think it is. Did you know that the ISBN number for the 2007 Lord of the Rings Calendar is
0768877857? What about the Samsung SpinPoint 200 GB internal hard drive? EAN13 - 8808979495238, just in case you were wondering. Thanks to Barcodepedia, the internet finally has a place to keep all those pesky barcodes. Because, you know, that used to be such a problem. Who in the name of God are these people uploading barcodes to this website?! User Ian13 is their #1 contributor with a whopping 340 barcodes added (Biography: "I am a barcode fanatic. Just the site for me!"). DJLarZ is tied for 2nd place with 273 barcodes under his belt (Biography: "I work in a gas-station, so I have access to a lot of barcodes."). These are clearly sad and damaged individuals, but thanks to their hard work and dedication, if I'm holding a product with a barcode on it, I don't have to spend a bunch of time reading the packaging to try and figure out what it is. Instead, I can just boot up my computer, point my web browser to Barcodepedia.com and type the barcode into the search box! What convenience! Take this weird glass container full of cold, carbonated liquid I'm drinking, for instance. Rather than look at the label on the front of it that clearly says it's a bottle of Sapporo, I can simply type in "0 8797500350 2" and find out that I'm drinking... umm... a Six-Seater Portable Bench (Black). The future is now, people.

Related: 5 Reasons To Learn Cockney Rhyming Slang, The Weirdest And Best English Slang

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