Announcing the Candidacy of Plumber/Sixpack
Joe The Plumber
Everybody's been talking about me a lot lately, because of some stuff I said to Obama. I don't really follow the polls that much, to be honest, but I assume that since everyone's talking about me so much, they must want me to be president, so I'll do that. What's my campaign about? Money, mostly. As I said in a recent
"I'd like to see you try to take my money, Senator Obama"Senator Obama thinks of himself as a "Robin Hood" figure, taking money from the greedy, evil corporations and redistributing it to the peasants. Again, as stated in the
"I'd like to see you try to take my money, banker from Deal or No Deal"
Hey, I'm Joe Sixpack, and I think I should be your president, I guess. I don't really think I'd be a good president, but according to the news, America wants "someone like Joe Sixpack" to be president, and I'm more Joe Sixpack than anyone I know, so I figured Hell, why not go with the real deal, you know? Got shit else to do. Anyway, ever since she got the nomination, Sarah Palin's been talking about how much she cares about Joe Sixpack, and everyone's calling her The Joe Sixpack Candidate. As a response, it turns out that
"This might be a shovel. Isn't that blue collar? I just dig holes, like, all day. "Oh, and let's talk about riding trains, since that's evidently an important factor in deciding who should lead our country. So, Biden rides trains to get from Point A to Point B. Great. But, if Point A is the floor of the Senate and Point B is an interview with Larry King, it doesn't matter what you take to get there. If you load up a shopping cart with some kitchen appliance and push it around your mansion, does that mean you're in touch with homeless people? So, when you take a train—and then use it as a talking point—all it means is that you're aware of just one superficial aspect of blue collar life. Folks, I am not Joe Biden or Sarah Palin. I am Joe Sixpack. That is, legally, my name. My dad made me change it when I crashed his car. Something about not deserving the family name. I don't quite remember. I was pretty blitzed. But ask yourself this: do you want a down-to-earth candidate, or do you want some rich, out-of-touch yuppy who does a good job at
I'm aware that my running mate also said he's running for president, and I'm cool with that. We're both kinda running for president, I guess.
"We're both kinda running for president, I guess."