A Knight to Remember

Providing new evidence for the theory that the American entertainment complex will never produce another original idea again, NBC has once more reanimated the putrid corpse of one of your cherished childhood memories and will proudly display this unholy monstrosity to the world this February under the bastard name of "Knight Rider." The movie-and-possibly-series is going to star a bunch of young hotties with fake boobs and chiseled abs who will no doubt bring an "extreme" edge to the show, in order to appeal to the 18-29 year-old braniacs who read magazines like

Maxim and Leathertits and drink that Coke with nicotine in it or whatever which the show's advertisers are so desperate to attract. Also joining the (extreme) fun will be a middle-aged sometime-actor named David Hasselhoff, who I've never heard of but who apparently achieved minor internet celebrity this year due to an entertaining video of the shirtless man engaged in a sensuous embrace with a chicken sandwich, lovingly filmed by his adoring daughter. But the real stars of the show are bound to be the cars:

The three cars to be employed in the series include the KITT Hero---a Ford Mustang Shelby GT500KR that is playing the part of the everyday Hero car with 540 horsepower; the KITT Attack---a super high-speed version of the Ford Mustang Shelby GT500KR Hero car that transforms into Attack mode with the help of air-ride technology and specialized body parts---and a KITT Remote, which is a driverless Ford Mustang Shelby GT500KR version of the Hero vehicle.

... all of which will be available on eBay shortly after the show's cancellation after three episodes (and replacement with "Law & Order: Spoiled Cheese Unit"). So for the right price, you'll then be able to say, "KITT, go pick up my stupid family," and the car will happily drive out of a truck's butt and take over all your most hated chores while you slowly grow deeper into the folds of your couch and await the premiere of "Airwolf 2008."