Shoot and you hit the girls! Shoot and you'll hit the god damn girls, pigs!
They were eventually caught, and the one dressed as Santa Claus, Marshall Ratliff, was incarcerated at the Eastland County Jail. Fed up with all this ÃÂÃÂÃÂÃÂÃÂÃÂÃÂÃÂjudicial systemÃÂÃÂÃÂÃÂÃÂÃÂÃÂÃÂ bullshit, a mob of Texans broke into the jail, dragged Ratliff out into the street and lynched him. This left a bit of awkward explaining to do the next day when they had to tell their children that yes, Virginia, there was a Santa ClausÃÂÃÂÃÂÃÂÃÂÃÂÃÂÃÂ
but he shot two men and daddy had to hang him from a lamp-post until he was dead. Also, daddyÃÂÃÂÃÂÃÂÃÂÃÂÃÂÃÂs not entirely sure, but he thinks they may have gotten a little drunk afterwards and beaten Frosty the Snowman half to death with a broken mop handle. Sorry honey. He was probably a rapist or something, anyway.
Shh, Santa's got a secret...he hates black people.
This past weekend, a group of Santa Clauses in Norwich, England got involved in a knock-down, drag-out bar brawl with some other local tavern goers, ultimately leaving two men in the hospital for head trauma. The crime log made particular importance of the brawl due to the fightersÃÂÃÂÃÂÃÂÃÂÃÂÃÂÃÂ ethnicity, noting that ÃÂÃÂÃÂÃÂÃÂÃÂÃÂÃÂone of the groups were all dressed as Father Christmas,ÃÂÃÂÃÂÃÂÃÂÃÂÃÂÃÂ while ÃÂÃÂÃÂÃÂÃÂÃÂÃÂÃÂthe other group were described as being of dark-skinned African or Asian appearance.ÃÂÃÂÃÂÃÂÃÂÃÂÃÂÃÂ Just...holy shit, how white is your town when your crime blottersÃÂÃÂÃÂÃÂÃÂÃÂÃÂÃÂ listed suspects are either:
A.) Dark-skinned African, or
These are not similar descriptions, friends. When a police report is describing some suspects as ÃÂÃÂÃÂÃÂÃÂÃÂÃÂÃÂeither black or some kinda Chinese,ÃÂÃÂÃÂÃÂÃÂÃÂÃÂÃÂ thatÃÂÃÂÃÂÃÂÃÂÃÂÃÂÃÂs officially time to diversify. Do they have affirmative action for entire towns? In Norwich's defense, however, it should be noted that the attackers did have the best of intentions: They were just dreaming of a white Christmas. Can I get a rimshot? No?
What are you black, Chinese, or just lazy? Step it up, Ching Chong, Santa's got places to be.
Rebel Without A Claus (I'm Sorry.)
Normally Santa takes presents to your children, but in Augusta Georgia, Santa takes your children as
presents. A man named Michael Barton was standing outside of a convenience store, dressed in a Santa Claus suit and taking photos with the local children, when the Morris family drove up. Their youngest went to take a photo with Santa as the family headed toward the store, and when they turned back around, Santa was goneÃÂÃÂÃÂÃÂÃÂÃÂÃÂÃÂ
with their daughter.
For Santa? You shouldn't have!
Barton had asked the little girl if sheÃÂÃÂÃÂÃÂÃÂÃÂÃÂÃÂd like to ÃÂÃÂÃÂÃÂÃÂÃÂÃÂÃÂmeet RudolphÃÂÃÂÃÂÃÂÃÂÃÂÃÂÃÂ and - thank God for small miracles - he was actually referring to the reindeer this time; he had a stuffed animal of Rudolph sitting in the sidecar of his motorcycle. Barton then pushed the girl into the sidecar and took off down the highway at 80MPH, with her father in hot pursuit. Eventually Mr. Morris caught up with Barton, pulled him over, and took his daughter back. Later, when authorities asked why heÃÂÃÂÃÂÃÂÃÂÃÂÃÂÃÂd done it, seeing as how heÃÂÃÂÃÂÃÂÃÂÃÂÃÂÃÂd had no prior criminal record, Barton explained that he just ÃÂÃÂÃÂÃÂÃÂÃÂÃÂÃÂgot caught up in Santa-mode.ÃÂÃÂÃÂÃÂÃÂÃÂÃÂÃÂ
What fucking version of Santa Claus is so hardcore crazy that, in order to properly emulate him, you need to steal somebodyÃÂÃÂÃÂÃÂÃÂÃÂÃÂÃÂs daughter and start a high speed chase on a motorcycle?
You can read more from Robert at his own site, I Fight Robots
, but now that he's accused Santa Claus of everything from pedophilia to murder - you probably won't.