What are you black, Chinese, or just lazy? Step it up, Ching Chong, Santa's got places to be.
Rebel Without A Claus (I'm Sorry.)
Normally Santa takes presents to your children, but in Augusta Georgia, Santa takes your children as
presents. A man named Michael Barton was standing outside of a convenience store, dressed in a Santa Claus suit and taking photos with the local children, when the Morris family drove up. Their youngest went to take a photo with Santa as the family headed toward the store, and when they turned back around, Santa was goneÃÂÃÂÃÂÃÂÃÂÃÂÃÂÃÂ
with their daughter.
For Santa? You shouldn't have!
Barton had asked the little girl if sheÃÂÃÂÃÂÃÂÃÂÃÂÃÂÃÂd like to ÃÂÃÂÃÂÃÂÃÂÃÂÃÂÃÂmeet RudolphÃÂÃÂÃÂÃÂÃÂÃÂÃÂÃÂ and - thank God for small miracles - he was actually referring to the reindeer this time; he had a stuffed animal of Rudolph sitting in the sidecar of his motorcycle. Barton then pushed the girl into the sidecar and took off down the highway at 80MPH, with her father in hot pursuit. Eventually Mr. Morris caught up with Barton, pulled him over, and took his daughter back. Later, when authorities asked why heÃÂÃÂÃÂÃÂÃÂÃÂÃÂÃÂd done it, seeing as how heÃÂÃÂÃÂÃÂÃÂÃÂÃÂÃÂd had no prior criminal record, Barton explained that he just ÃÂÃÂÃÂÃÂÃÂÃÂÃÂÃÂgot caught up in Santa-mode.ÃÂÃÂÃÂÃÂÃÂÃÂÃÂÃÂ
What fucking version of Santa Claus is so hardcore crazy that, in order to properly emulate him, you need to steal somebodyÃÂÃÂÃÂÃÂÃÂÃÂÃÂÃÂs daughter and start a high speed chase on a motorcycle?
You can read more from Robert at his own site, I Fight Robots
, but now that he's accused Santa Claus of everything from pedophilia to murder - you probably won't.