When I was a lad, I remember there being quite the spirited debate over whether it was socially acceptable to like Green Day. Green Day, it was said, were posers. They weren't really a punk band, they were pop punk. They were sellouts. And they could only play, like, three chords. If you wanted to like punk, you needed to like the Dead Kennedy's. But then you were a poser, because you didn't really like the Dead Kennedys. How long have you been listening to them? Name one of their songs? I've seen them live 10 times. Go fuck Green Day in the ass, you poser.
For the record, Green Day is a great band, and there are no rules involved in the appreciation of any music that I am aware of. It's a shitty system which requires you to level up your musical tastes like some kind of musical RPG paladin in a fantasy game, listening to albums until you acquire enough skill points to like a new band. You could even, right now, go like Nickelback. Fuck it, man. Live how you want to live. Go like Justin Bieber. Go listen to "Love Yourself" by Justin Bieber. It's catchy as hell, man.
Sadly, the musically devout will never allow anyone to listen to both Justin Bieber and the Dead Kennedys. It's just not done. One group of fans will totally disown you for it, and the other will be disgusted. How could you? You're not a real fan. Real fans, you'll notice, are insane. Ever see footage of those people who, just upon witnessing Michael Jackson in person, would screech and literally pass out? That's not normal. That's fucking insane. Michael Jackson was a man. The Beatles, Justin Bieber, possibly even Chris Brown are all human, or something vaguely man-like. Brown's a piece of shit, too, but he can be both. But the fans act as though undead Cthulhu has awoken from his eternal slumber when they see them or hear about them or, god forbid, viciously defend them on the internet. Don't get so wrapped up in a person you've never met that you need to threaten to murder other people on their behalf because they trash-talked them.
That kind of anger you should save for our comments section.
I get it, weird teenage girl. You feel like maybe you're in love with Justin Bieber and that amusing patch of pubic beard he sports these days. He's soft-spoken, with a little bad boy edge because he smokes pot, speeds, and has tattoos. Plus, you know sleeps with anything that has a pulse, so he would probably deflower you if only you had the chance. That's a swell dream. But don't Hulk out when someone mentions that pube beard of his and threaten to whip up a Walking Dead Lucille bat to beat anyone to a mushy pulp. Like your music, and either tolerate the rest or just leave the room. It makes life way more simple.
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