Cool Moments In Video Games That Fractions Of Players See
Video games are absolutely bursting at the seams with Easter eggs, to the point where you can't take a step without tripping over some coy reference. Most of them are little gags designed to dole out squirts of dopamine hits to those who get the joke, thrown in by a developer trying to look busy at 4 p.m. on a Friday. But other times, studios devote seemingly huge amounts of time to making and then burying some of the best parts of the game, knowing that only a fraction of the players will ever see them. For example ...
The Best Weapon In Fallout 4 May Or May Not Fall Out Of The Sky
This tale starts like every good alien encounter. A bunch of disreputable witnesses (gamers in this case) began reporting sighting a UFO in Fallout 4. The craft arrives with a distinct whirring sound that may be weird enough to make the player look up from poking around in musty old houses for cans and shit. If so, they'll see a saucer splutter overhead. After it disappears over the horizon, there's an explosion, followed by an inane comment from your companion. (Yeah Piper, I did see that, thanks.)
After the crash, you can stumble onto the wreckage by heading north of Somerville. Apart from proof of intelligent life beyond Earth, there's not really much to see ... until you notice a green puddle on the ground. If sci-fi has taught us anything, it's that whenever something or someone is bleeding, they'll leave a perfect trail of blood. It leads to a nearby cave, where you'll make first contact with an alien species -- searing hot lead contact right between the eyes. In classic psychopathic RPG player fashion, you have to gun down this injured survivor in cold (green) blood.
This senseless act of violence rewards you with a new way to wreak havoc: the alien blaster. Looking like something you'd see tucked into Marvin the Martian's little green skirt, the blaster vaporizes enemies (and civilians who look at you the wrong way) into bright blue gas. Keep in mind, though, that the ammo you get when you find it is all you'll ever get, so don't come crying to us if you waste it all on radroaches.
If you've logged tons of hours in this game but never saw any of this, you're not alone. Nobody really knows what triggers the UFO crash event. Some say it occurs when your character hits Level 12 or 15. Most say after 20. Some people say you have to clear out Vault 75 first, or Malvern Middle School. Others claim they saw it without ever visiting those places, so for all we know, you have to be playing on a Tuesday after getting a haircut.
A Secret Skyrim Boss Turns Into A Badass Sidekick
Statistically, if you're reading this, you've already played Skyrim a dozen times on six different devices, possibly including a particularly smart toaster. But we guarantee that there's still stuff left to find -- like a boss monster you can turn into your personal on-call ass-kicker.
Back in the heady days of The Elder Scrolls III, Karstaag was a frost giant who had it all -- his own castle, a crew of semi-willing servants, and a reputation that he was not to be fucked with. But fuck with him the player does, murdering him on the whims of some quest-giver. Two games and 200 years later, the player is back (as a different character) to besmirch the poor giant's name once more. In the Dragonborn expansion for Skyrim, you can desecrate Karstaag's remains, resurrect him from the dead, murder him again, then force him to do your bidding like some eldritch Pokemon.
Not that the game tells you any of this. You have to stumble upon Karstaag's skull poking out of a random cave wall by chance. Then you have to lug it over to the ruins of his old castle and get into his throne room. Oh, but the door is super locked, so you'll need to max out your lock pick skill to get in, or go the long way through a cave crawling with those little Riekling bastards.
Even once you get in there, you have to have the presence of mind to dump the skull on the throne. And if you've somehow done all this on a whim, your reward is an ice-cold can of whoopass. Karstaag doesn't take kindly to having his eternal rest interrupted. You'd better come prepared with your best potions and most expendable companions, because he won't go down (again) easy.
If you do manage to beat him, you still don't let him rest. In a final insult to his legacy, you can then summon him to fight for you whenever you want. Well, three times, anyway, before he packs it in and waits for whatever desecration lies ahead in The Elder Scrolls VI.
Tony Hawk Lets You Go To Hell (If You Try Hard Enough)
Tony Hawk Underground 2 takes players on a whirlwind tour of the best skate parks in the world -- Miami, Australia, Hell. You know, all the usual hotspots for *googles skateboarding terms* ollies. Not that getting to the Hell level is easy. You first have to finish the loosely connected thread of excuses to skate that passes for the story. That unlocks a bonus level that has you kick-flipping around what looks like Area 51, complete with a spaceship and little green dudes wandering around. And for a while, that's fine. It's just another playground for your sick tricks, or whatever the kids call it.
But it turns out this bonus level has its own bonus level. If you wall-kick off of two big red buttons, it opens a portal to some Mayan ruins. The locals are borderline-racist caricatures who are suspiciously fluent in boarding lingo.
The rabbit hole keeps going. Spray-painting five statues of the monkey god is considered blasphemous enough to open the actual gates of Hell -- which apparently looks like every other level in the game, but with red and brown walls. That's still not the end of it. If you grind along some giant ribs until they collapse, there are more buttons to wall-kick, opening a door to what looks like a seedy nightclub. Inside is Satan himself, who challenges you to a dance-off which consists entirely of moves that would look lame to even the drunkest of uncles at a wedding.
Then again, the game's story is about the player getting kidnapped by Tony Hawk in a van and being forced to participate in a skating competition against Bam Margera. So maybe we were in Hell this whole time.
Castlevania: Symphony Of The Night Hid Half The Game
The Castlevania series is basically a nonsense supernatural soap opera wrapped up in some of the best jumping and stabbing that gaming has to offer. But getting too stabby in Symphony Of The Night will rob you of literally half the game.
You play as Alucard, the bastard son of Dracula, who's on a mission to take down vampire hunter Richter Belmont, who's stolen Drac's spooky castle. In a daytime TV twist, Richter was the protagonist from the previous Castlevania game, Rondo Of Blood. And no, we don't know what a "rondo" is either, but it sounds like something that has a filthy (but oddly compelling) Urban Dictionary page.
Anyway, if you just beeline it to the end of the game, you'll face off against Richter in a pretty standard boss battle. Killing him triggers a 30-second cutscene of Alucard standing outside the castle delivering a half-assed eulogy about the folly of man. Roll credits. But that's the chump's way out. To get the real ending -- along with the other half of the damn game -- you've either gotta be super lucky or have access to YouTube walkthroughs. (Back before YouTube walkthroughs were a thing, you could only be lucky, or invoke an archaic totem known as a "strategy guide.")
First you gotta find two rings hidden in different rooms, then put them on and go stand near a big clock. That opens a secret room where you can get some Holy Glasses. Then, if you happen to be wearing those glasses when you go fight Richter, you'll see what's really going on, They Live-style. Spoiler alert for a 23-year-old game: Richter isn't a jerk after all! It's the old "Dark forces made me do it" defense. There's a weird orb floating above his head, and if you attack that instead, you'll free him and have to chase the real bad guy to a second castle in the sky.
This new castle is basically the whole game again, but upside down and back-to-front. Only at the end of that do you get the real ending, wherein you kill Dracula once and for all. (Or at least until Legacy Of Darkness, anyway.) It really makes you wonder how many other innocent "bosses" you've murdered just because a game tells you they're the bad guy. Have you ever just tried talking things out with Bowser? I didn't think so.
The Sims 2 Lets You Befriend Sasquatch
The Sims series lets players live out some of their wildest and most unattainable fantasies, like gainful employment and home ownership. Or in the case of the Bon Voyage expansion pack for The Sims 2, finding -- and befriending -- Bigfoot. And unlike in real life, you don't have to go clomping around the woods with an amateur reality TV crew looking for unexplained hair and shit (although that's a free game idea right there). Nope, you can just dig up a convenient map to his house.
Still, it's not exactly easy to do. If your Sim digs for treasure in their backyard or while on vacation, they have a chance to find a weird map that leads to Bigfoot's humble shack. What, did you think he'd be roughing it in a cave? No way, Sim Bigfoot has class, right down to his panda-shaped lounge chair. Once there, you can interact with him like any other Sim. Bigfoot is down for chats, jokes, a boogie, a game of catch, or stimulating political discussions. And like other Sims, if you sweet-talk him just right, eventually you can ask him to move in with you. It's the perfect sitcom setup.
And Bigfoot isn't just a regular Sim with a paint job. He's taller, hairier, and has chiseled abs and an ass to die for. But he's also a complex being with his own unique personality and behaviors. Bigfoot isn't a fan of bathing, but he's real fond of food, eating nonstop even when he's not hungry. He's prone to tantrums, trashing the house and scaring the shit out of other Sims. But he also uses that barely contained rage to chase away burglars, so there are pros and cons. Bigfoot is also inexplicably good at everything, starting with all in-game skills maxed out. When he pops off to work in his adorable uniform -- a bowler hat, a vest, and no pants, Porky-Pig-style -- he almost always comes home bearing gifts and promotions.
But if you're hoping to someday hear the pitter-patter of little Bigfeet around the house, it's sadly not gonna happen. Bigfoot is not only sterile, but emotionally unavailable. The most you'll get out of him is a hug or a peck on the cheek, or a heart-to-heart about how he wants to focus on his career. See, they knew they had to program that in, because they anticipated that each and every one of us who stumbled across this secret would sooner or later try to fuck Bigfoot. Video games, everybody!
For more, check out 10 'Fallout 4 Easter Eggs You Probably Missed - New Guy Weekly:
Follow us on Facebook. If you like jokes and stuff.