Roughly one month into power, President Donald Trump's administration has caused more gaffes than a gaffelypse in Gaffetown. Has any administration ever caused this many partisan shitstorms in so little time?

Nope! But that's not entirely the fault of Trump or his sinister cabal of advisors. Their legitimate scandals (like the fraudulent Trump foundation, hosting foreign diplomats in his hotel, or that fake college he ran) get buried in an ocean of stories like this:

ens wo Amerikas Kellyanne Conway attacked after being pictured with feet on Oval Office sofa The senior adviser's pointed heels can be seen digging in
Via Independent


Feel free to make your own "I'm Rick James" jokes.

Social media makes the barrage of nitpicky criticisms feel new, and some of it is (we've never had a member of the President's staff advertise for his daughter's clothing line before). But a lot of it has nothing to do with Trump, because for some reason all of us, left and right, want to hate opposing presidents for the exact same bullshit reasons. And that's why with every change of power, we get regurgitated stories like ...

"He's Disrespecting The Oval Office!"

Let's be honest here: The Oval Office is just a round room where, statistically, most of our presidents have done the majority of their farting. But thanks to internet news cycles, every eight-ish years, it becomes a holy shrine to one half of the country -- usually the side that opposes the president. A month ago, there was a minor controversy over how Steve Bannon dressed in the Oval Office:

XXfactor WHAT WOMEN REALLY THINK IAN 30 20917 03s O Should We Care What Steve Bannon Wears in the Oval Office?
Via Slate


Note: He was wearing a giant turkey costume.

And while Democrats are the ones shrilly proclaiming the sanctity of the Oval Office today, Republicans got just as butthurt eight years ago, when President Obama dared to put his feet on a desk.

Mr. President, Please Get Your Feet Off the Desk! Pouted on March 11, 2011, 10:22 am by Keith Koffler 92 Comments It must be a sign of the tone deafne
Via Whitehousedossier


You. Fucking. BASTARD.

Does it look familiar?

Dear Kellyanne Conway, Get Your Fucking Feet Off The White House Furniture - Sincerely, Everyone
Via Perezhilton

LBJ whipping out his dick (nicknamed "Jumbo") at everyone who passed by the Oval Office didn't dishonor it, and neither did Warren Harding's bootleg whiskey habit, but sit the wrong way or put your shoes on the wrong thing, and you can rest assured at least half the country will call for your fucking head.

The truth is that the Oval Office is a working goddamn office. And when people work really hard out of one room for years while constantly surrounded by cameras, they're going to get caught looking less-than-airbrushed:

4 Ways Trump Outrages Liberals (Obama Got S**t For, Too)
Via Mediamatters

And by the way, Steve "The Human Jowl" Bannon's failure to wear a full suit in the Oval isn't exactly novel either. Back in 2009, George W. Bush's former chief of staff attacked President Obama for allowing his staff to go without jackets in the oval office, because Lord knows nothing productive was ever accomplished without a blazer.

4 Ways Trump Outrages Liberals (Obama Got S**t For, Too)
Via Freerepublic


Have some respect, you fucking savage.

On the upside, at least that's one piece of common ground between the left and the right. Both sides suddenly become convinced the Oval Office is sacred as soon as their guy leaves it.

"He Salutes Too Often! Or Not Enough!"

George H.W. Bush was the last president to date who saw combat. Most of our recent presidents spent their lives as civilians, working as professors or business owners or deans of fraudulent universities. They don't take office with a comprehensive knowledge of when and how it's appropriate to salute. Which is why you get stuff like this:

Scott Detrow Follow ecoidetfoww Trump saluting, while Pence has hand over heart, as military review goes by. Pence has protocol right: don't salute un
Via Twitter

Obama Forgot to Salute a Marine. But What He Did Next Was Truly Humbling! by Ras 8 Vies 50.6k 4 Shore Toot 8 Googo GULS
Via Elitereaders

In case you're wondering, the president is allowed to salute whoever the fuck he pleases, and he doesn't have to salute anyone. Also, do you have any idea how often the president gets saluted at? With enough cameras, you'll eventually snap a picture of the president not saluting a soldier or the flag. And if you're lazy, it also turns out that Photoshop exists:

Trump doesn't put his hand over his heart during the anthem! Posted by tallamom cn Mar 13 2016 at 12.42 PM Beorue Member 32 Renlies N Miguel Bruce I a
Via Cafemom

When Snopes looked into this one, they found out it was a fake. Whoever made it knew that the fastest way to get a president on thousands of shitlists is to make him seem vaguely disrespectful of the flag, a veteran or, ideally, some sort of sentient flag that was wounded in Fallujah. Double points if you can find a picture of the first lady not saluting something salutable.

wnPCfislbekamre/Cboleyeber America's First Lady On Veteran's Day? A Picture Worth A 1000 Words SHARE IF YOU THINK SHE IS A DISGRACE
Via Jamiehafner

4 Ways Trump Outrages Liberals (Obama Got S**t For, Too)
Via Breitbart

And hey, while we've got the first lady here ...

"The President's Marriage Is On The Rocks!"

OK, so Republicans got a pass for this one back in the '90s. People had to testify about President Clinton's dick before Congress. International Comedy Law guarantees you at least a few years of jokes off of that. But George W. and Laura Bush also generated divorce rumors:

George and Laura Bush to divorce after election because of Condi Rice? 18.07.2008 Many US tabloide have been fiooded with rumors of George W. Bush's f
Via Pavdareport

AMERICAN IDOL Debbie Reynolds VOTINGRIGGED! BATTLES Shocking CRIPPLING phone fraud DISEASE EXPOSED! GLOBE BUSH MARRIAGE BREAKUP! EXCLUSIVE! SEPARATE L
Globe

The Bushes were lucky enough that most of his presidency went by before social media took off. The Obama marriage confronted a fully grown internet, and the result was ... well, the same, actually. Right down to the expression on the first lady's face:

ENQUIRER CHED GEORGE MICHAEL SUBSCRIBE f GOT ATIP? Accelerating the perfect Aecaleriing goal with the right mix HDE Helion Find yor Riohe M Livieash H
National Enquirer

In fairness to the Obamas, they've had to endure a hell of a lot more public speculation about their marriage than the Bushes, and holy shit is this not going to stop being a thing under President Trump. We've already seen news sites consult body language experts to diagnose the First Marriage as "lacking affection." And Twitter took this eight-second clip of Melania Trump ...

4 Ways Trump Outrages Liberals (Obama Got S**t For, Too)
Via Knowyourmeme

... and turned it into a diagnosis of fucking spousal abuse:

Jezebel @Jezebel 23 Jan Melania Trump definitely loves her husband and is very happy to be here bit.ly/2iXtKzT pic.twitter.com/Rhwm6FpgHG ResistanceUn
Twitter

If you hate our orange fuckwind of a president, it's easy to look at how clearly unhappy Melania seems there and go "SHE MUST HATE THAT MAN." But y'know what's an even more likely explanation? She doesn't like standing outside for hours in the middle of January in Washington, D.C. In front of millions of people. How weird!

"The President is Always On Vacation!"

Remember when President Bush told a bunch of reporters to "watch this drive" after issuing a statement about a terrorist attack in Israel?

Michael Moore used that clip to open a documentary about how badly Bush sucked. And it really is a perfect depiction of him as an entitled frat boy someone handed the nuclear suitcase to. But also, like, what the fuck was he supposed to do? The president is always on call, and if something terrible happens while he's golfing, he might have to comment on it while he's golfing. Do we really want our presidents to avoid all silly-looking recreational activities, never relax, and eventually fire a nuke into Belgium out of sheer frustration?

Apparently!

AL 3r 3Hiamierald -H 4 4 M15 h Yaty D The ee MAMLEL O0 M Does President Obama play too much golf?
Via Miami Herald

sO E0Y THE LOOK OF LEADERSHIP? VACAYIOR AES NEWS REACITY PRES STARTS VACATION WITH ROUND OF GOLF 00 DEC FCX NEWS NYC MAYOR MICHAEL BLOOMBERG CO SAYS H
Fox News

Yes, President Obama drew an unprecedented amount of shit for his hobby, even though he spent far less total vacation time than President Bush. In fact, one of the Americans most vocal about his distaste for Obama's hobby time was none other than Donald Trump ...

Trump blasts Obama's golf habit as he claims the president plays more than Tiger Woods: 'I don't have time for that!' At campaign rally in Michigan, D
Via Daily Mail

And that brings us to today, as America's puritanical attitude toward the personal lives of its Presidents has culminated in the election of a leader who reflects our own hypocrisy back at us:

Donald Trump goes golfing five more times than Barack Obama so far The President has been keen to jet to Mar-a-Lago and take out his clubs
Via Independent

God, it's like poetry. Poetry that we have seen and will continue to see with every new president until the Sun goes nova.

Robert Evans has a book about how all your most shameful vices secretly built civilization. You can buy it now!

It's Spring Break! You know what that means! Hot coeds getting loose on the beaches of Cancun and becoming imperiled in all classic beach slasher ways: Man-eating shark, school of piranhas, James Franco with dreadlocks. There are so many films about vacations gone wrong, it's a chore to wonder if there's even such a thing as a movie vacation gone right. Amity Island and Camp Crystal Lake are out. So what does that leave? The ship from Wall-E? Hawaii with the Brady Bunch? A road trip with famous curmudgeon Chevy Chase? On this month's live podcast Jack O'Brien and the Cracked staff are joined by some special guest comedians to figure out what would be the best vacation to take in a fictional universe.

Get your tickets here:

For more check out 6 Bizarre Factors That Predict Every Presidential Election and 6 Mindf*@k Problems You Face Being President.

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