2 New Shirts for 'The Shining' and 'Super Mario Bros.' Fans

We've all seen so many horror movies that the genre's moved in crazy specific directions to meet our needs, and yet we still can't get enough. We just want Hollywood to make it funny, make it meta, do whatever it takes to give us more terror to watch with glee and go on dates to and mash up with our other favorite things ever.

You don't start in the scream business and become Jason Voorhees on night one. You have to work up to it with patience, machete hours, and a death by drowning that the characters learn of around the hour mark. But you know what backstory's even scarier than that? Zero backstory at all. This design from Luke Schroeder combines Friday the 13th's silent implacable masked shuffler with Nintendo's silent implacable masked shuffler. Because seriously, how did the Koopa Troop see a pack of masked hooded figures and say "I'd like to eat lunch with them every day"?

And is there any horror world that's more fun to get lost in than a place where you literally get lost? Fans have picked over The Shining so many times in so many ways that they've found everything from violence against Native Americans to Illuminati iconography. So this shirt from forum member BlondeFury takes that nebulous awesomeness and works it right into the Overlook's hedge maze, capturing everything fun about liking a smart, scary classic all at once. Oh, and the shirt's black, so your fandom can also be slimming and go with everything.

If Non-Fiction Horror Is Your Cup of Poison Tea ...

We've got everything from high art zombies to fightin' Billy Joel bots in our store, but nothing is as scary as the truth:

Wear that design around and you'll look like a badass who doesn't fear the Reaper, until your geography-savvy friends realize you're all that plus someone with a sense of humor about America's Retirement Castle. And again, really, you look so good in black. It matches those pants you like but can't always wear. You know the ones.

Our Weekly Dose of Envy

We put on a good front most days, but honestly we fear so many things here at Cracked. Chief among them? Australia. But the close second on our Terror Power Rankings is you not getting to buy the very best T-shirts with your card that you do your Internet shopping with. So here's five shirts we know you'll love and expect you'll receive just in time for full-on short sleeves weather.