It's Cyber Monday! Finally, a holiday dedicated to our wise collective decision to stay indoors and let Earth's wealth come to us. So don't get your shoes on, don't find parking, and don't grab a shopping cart to push a television around in: you're the kind of genius who's about to click your way to the best holiday season ever.

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In this life, it's dangerous to go alone. Just ask any shipwrecked grown-up or ruggedly individualistic baby. Yes, a man can be an island for a while, but eventually he needs some company or some swag from his quartermaster. This design by manospd is a celebration of the latter, along with gaming and the '90s and entertainment that asks you to be as multidimensional as you know you can be. Get it on anything Society6 can print it on, and remember that with the right tools you'll discover the Triforce inside (or at least pull off some sweet attacks against Dark You).

GROVE ANGEL HIGH SCHOOL EST. 1993 J. LEE SCOTT ATHLETICS DEPT.

Gym class is a double-edged blade for most kids. If you're athletic, congratulations, you got 50 minutes to enjoy that, surrounded by competition far below your travel [insert sport] league's caliber. If you aren't athletic, it's a sudden physical grind after enjoying the comfy womb of scholarly intellectual bullshitting. And yet there's a third path. A path of confidence, leading other friends through high school's villainy and then taking everyone out for youth-center-juice-bar smoothies after. This John Wilson design goes out to the Red Ranger in all of us, and the real hero we can become if we put our minds to the morphing that is growing up.

Today Only: It's the Rise of the Cyber Mon.!

Maybe you'd like some of our new Doctor Who swag, in any of several gift-able formats:

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Or maybe one of the dozens of other Cracked Dispensary designs, or one of thousands of other Society6 designs, belongs in your holiday Santa sack. Well, this Cyber Monday (that's today, probably!) take $5 off any item in the entire store, and wing it your way with FREE shipping. It's a deal so good you'll wish you could travel back in time for it again and again. But you can't. So buy something right now.

Our Weekly Dose of Shirt Envy

Of course, you might be rich. For all we know, you're swimming in lucre from success in business/inheritance/betting it all on "vape" being the 2014 word of the year. So who needs free shipping and incredible savings when you can pay an assistant to do your online shopping for you? In that case, forward these five new designs from across the Internet to your pixelcart lackey. They won't find finer shirt ideas anywhere else this week, and if they want to keep their ridiculous job they'll buy them for you posthaste.

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2 New Shirts & 1 Epic Cyber Monday Sale

Available at Design by Humans

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Available at Naolito

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2 New Shirts & 1 Epic Cyber Monday Sale

Available at Society6

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