15 Reasons This Hoodie Is The Only Jacket You'll Ever Need
This piece was written by the people who run the Cracked Store to tell you about products that are being sold there.
Let's face it, your ratty old hoodie has seen better days. The sauce stains have started to somehow increase in size, and the repeated washings have reduced the elastic along the sleeves to limp noodles. But don't worry, because we've got a new sweatshirt for you that's objectively better in every way: the BauBax travel sweatshirt. Here's what you can get excited about.
Unless your body produces melatonin at superhuman levels, falling asleep in an airplane seat isn't always easy. That's why the BauBax sweatshirt's first order of business is having an inflatable neck pillow. Just blow air into the integrated mouthpiece for a couple of seconds, and you'll be halfway to snoozeville.
Keep the sun out of your eyes with the included eye mask stitched into the hood. It's also useful for when your seatmate is watching Stranger Things and you don't want spoilers.
The BauBax provides slide-out gloves underneath the sleeves for all those moments in life where you encounter a sudden chill in the room, like when the heater breaks or a ghost enters.
Your earbuds will ball up no matter how neatly you fold them. But attach them to your new fancy sweater, and they'll stay tangle-free forever.
Commercial airplanes can be punishingly cold, thanks to the constantly recycled air. Thankfully, this sweater has a pocket that perfectly fits the BauBax travel blanket. It's sold separately, so you can also use the space to store extra candy bars to get the taste of airline food out of your mouth.
Where are you supposed to keep your beverage when your hands are busy juggling luggage and travel documents? In a specifically tailored drink pocket, of course. It's even lined with neoprene to keep your soda ice cold or coffee boiling hot, and makes quite the fashion statement, to boot. Also, don't do jumping jacks while using it. Just ... trust us.
A tablet makes an excellent portable computer, but you still need a place to safely stow it when you aren't cutting fruit or aimlessly launching indignant birds. The BauBax has an interior pocket that's just the right size for a ten-inch slab of miraculous tech.
This telescoping pen integrated into this sweater's zipper is a handy addition for when you need to jot down a quick idea and don't want to spend those precious few seconds of inspiration digging through the ruins of your backpack. Or if you just want to impress fellow travelers with pen-based magic tricks.
If you prefer to do all of your note-taking on a touchscreen, the BauBax doesn't discriminate. The reverse side of the zipper-pen also features a capacitive stylus. Yeah, your pen-based magic tricks just went all high-tech, fam.
With all of the other hyper-specific pockets, don't think the Baubax would forget about a spot designed for your phone. This cushion for the device that you're always pushin' is in the perfect place to access your interwoven earbuds.
Bulky glasses cases are for dweebs. This sweatshirt's sunglasses pocket lets you easily pull out your shades and walk away like you're in Top Gun. It's also a perfect hiding spot for your glasses-based magic tricks.
After practicing all those dramatic sunglasses moves in the mirror, you'll need a soft surface to wipe off all the smudges and nervous hand sweat. Thankfully, this jacket has a microfiber cloth to keep your glasses spotless.
For extra convenience at security checkpoints, the chest pocket on the BauBax sweatshirt is just the right size for passports, IDs, and all the other valuable documents that are too good for electronic form. Don't do magic tricks with these. If it turns out you have actual magic powers, you don't want to be flinging those kinds of documents into the fourth dimension.
Hoodie pockets are not nearly as good for providing warmth as they are for making you look sullen. But these front pockets are lined with hand-warming insulation, so you can keep up your teenage schtick even in the dead of winter.
The hood-embedded neck pillow is removable on all BauBax outerwear, just in case you're attending an event that's a little too formal for hoods. (But frankly, if someone is too snobby for your hood, then who needs 'em!) Also, four words, baby: neck pillow magic tricks.
This versatile sweatshirt is available in the Cracked shop for 45 percent off the usual price, just $109.99. BauBax also offers the same features in a stylish bomber jacket for $139.99, a lightweight windbreaker for $109.99, and a Blazer for the consummate professional ($159.99). These huge price drops are only available for a limited time, so get them while you can.
Pick up After Hours: The Shirt to go with your new rad hoodie and show off your Male Pattern Badness. You're welcome.
Keep spicing up your wardrobe with The 6 Coolest Shirts on the Internet.