Conan O’Brien Roasts Cartoon: ‘Caillou Is A F***** Up Kid’

Conan O’Brien pod-mates Matt Gourley and Sona Movsesian had the chance to do voiceovers for kiddie cartoon Big City Greens recently, and the carrot-topped host couldn’t have been less excited. “I forgot which thing I’m supposed to be interested in,” he admitted on Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend when the cartoon excitement was brought up.

The only thing Conan could remember was that he had turned down some kind of job, which his pals had taken instead. “We talked so much about what it was and what we did,” Sona griped. “And you only remember it from the angle of how it involves you.”

Conan continued to turn the conversation back to Conan. While he turned down Big City Greens, he remembered a time when he did plenty of cartoon work. “I went through this phase when my kids were 2, 3, 4, 5,” he said. “I did so many voiceovers for shows that they were really into.”

The problem for Conan’s kids: Animation takes forever. In the time it took the comedian to record his vocal tracks to the day the cartoon finally aired on Disney Channel or Nickelodeon, his kids had outgrown the show. “I’d go, ‘Hey guys, I just did Gilly Galoo Patrol — aren’t you excited?’ They’d be like, ‘What are you talking about, man?’ They’re rolling a joint. My son shaving in the corner with an electric razor. ‘No one watches that anymore. That was last year.’”

Then Conan took shots at ‘90s kids’ favorite (at least in some houses, right?), Caillou. “Hey guys, I taped a Caillou seven years ago. It's finally out. It’s the one where Caillou gets a wig. They found the cure for his bone cancer.”

Oof! That got dark quick.

When Gourley and Movsesian showed the appropriate “Oh my god!” shock at Conan’s black-as-coal humor, the comedian just shrugged. “I’m sorry,” he said, not at all sorry. “Caillou is a fucked-up kid.”

Movsesian and Gourley confessed they had no idea who Caillou was, born in that blissful generation who were neither preschoolers nor parents when Caillou aired on PBS Kids. One production staffer jumped in to explain that Caillou was a French bald kid in a yellow shirt.

But that description didn’t begin to describe Conan’s disgust. “I’m going to say this with all kindness,” Conan sneered. “Not much happens on Caillou, and he seems rather meek.”

So he’s just French Charlie Brown, wondered Gourley?

Movsesian suggested French Arnold.

“No, I think he’s a French kid who’s got an autoimmune disorder,” Conan corrected his team. “The point is, Caillou is French for ‘Please fucking help me. My body can’t process protein.’”

The real point? Conan has never heard of Big City Greens. Movsesian had a great time recording the dialogue, but she acknowledged that Conan was right — her episode wouldn’t come out until 2027. 

Conan knows the situation all too well: “You're going to be sending this to your kids in law school.”