John Oliver Clobbers ABC: ‘History’s Always Going to Remember the Cowards’
John Oliver had to sit on the sidelines while other members of the podcast supergroup Strike Force Five defended one of their own last Thursday night.
“Tonight, we are all Jimmy Kimmel,” proclaimed Stephen Colbert, calling for comedy solidarity.
The terrified Jimmy Fallon stammered his way through a non-statement: “To be honest with you all, I don’t know what’s going on — no one does. But I do know Jimmy Kimmel, and he is a decent, funny, and loving guy. And I hope he comes back.”
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Jon Stewart showed up on his day off, gilding The Daily Show set, Mar-A-Lago style. He pretended to kiss Trump’s ring while playing montages of the president displaying the same behavior that allegedly got Kimmel suspended.
Oliver finally got his turn at bat Sunday night and wasted no time laying the lumber. First up was FCC Chairman Brendan Carr, who, prior to Kimmel’s suspension, encouraged broadcasters to crack down on Kimmel. If the network or its affiliates didn’t do the job, the FCC would step in. “Look,” Carr said on a right-wing podcast, “we can do this the easy way or the hard way.”
Threats don’t get much clearer than that, said Oliver. “It’s like if someone threw a brick through your window with a message that said, ‘Shut up or else.’” And then followed up those bricks with more clarifying bricks.
Then Oliver went after Nexstar, one of the country’s largest owners of TV stations. Nexstar’s threat to pull Kimmel’s show led to ABC’s suspension and was motivated by an upcoming merger for which it needs FCC approval. ”Basically,” Oliver concluded, “Brendan Carr said ‘Jump,’ and Nexstar took his dick out of their mouth for just long enough to say, ‘How high exactly?’”
Sinclair, another major operator of local TV stations, threatened similar boycotts of Kimmel and referenced Carr’s podcast in its decision. ”Come on, Sinclair,” chided Oliver. “As I believe Olandria once said to Huda on Love Island, don’t embarrass yourself going too hard for a man.”
As Colbert knows all too well, Kimmel isn’t the first victim of President Trump’s desire to silence his critics. “He’s just the latest canary in the coal mine,” Oliver said. “A mine that, at this point, now seems more dead canary than coal.”
But Disney still has a chance to be on the right side of history. Oliver directly addressed its CEO, Bob Iger, with a plea for decency. “One day, the history of the time we’re living through is going to be written. And when it is, I’m not sure it’s those in this administration who are even going to come off the worst. Now, don’t get me wrong, they’re going to come off terribly. But history is also going to remember the cowards who definitely knew better but still let things happen, whether it was for money, convenience, or just comfort.”
As ABC’s $15 million payout to Trump earlier this year proved, giving the bully your lunch money won’t prevent him from shaking you down tomorrow. Now’s the time to draw the line, Oliver argued, suggesting the only four words that ever work against bullies’ demands: “Fuck you. Make me.”
