Howard Stern Pulls A No-Show After Promising Announcement About His Future
Was anyone else up at the crack of dawn this morning to hear Howard Stern reveal his radio future?
We all got yoinked, with a live show replaced by old clips of George Takei’s birthday party and Ronnie the Limo Driver confessing he didn’t know if the Earth was flat or round.
“Today was the day to answer all questions and yet the controversy continues,” the show began at 7 a.m. Eastern Time. “Howard Stern will now speak Monday.”
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Oy vey, as Stern might say.
Stern allegedly sent an email to his staffers yesterday revealing that he wouldn’t return today after all, reported the Daily Mail. It’s a confusing story, with a headline that blames a “family tragedy” (Stern’s ailing mother?) for Stern’s absence, but also citing an unnamed source claiming that “frustrations over the new contract” are behind the no-show.
Redditors supplied their own theories to explain Stern’s AWOL status, including a Robin Quivers health scare, a “he’s just screwing with everyone” power play and the death of a beloved Stern family pet.
No matter the excuse, today was allegedly the day on which Stern would finally lay all the rumors to rest. In mid-August, online gossip swirled that SiriusXM was ready to part ways with the shock jock since he no longer generated ratings to justify another five-year, $500 million contract. The rumor mill insisted that Stern’s writers were saving their best jokes for new gigs, while other staffers were updating their LinkedIn profiles in anticipation of losing their jobs.
However, as Cracked predicted last month, Stern was more likely to keep the suspense going than to set the record straight. The last time his contract was up for renegotiation, Stern stretched out the melodrama for months. Does the show’s uncertain future make for good radio? Stern must think so, as any controversy is good controversy for a shock jock trained in the old days of terrestrial radio.
The Hollywood Reporter speculates that the delay may signal that a new contract is nearly finalized, with Stern waiting until next Monday while the details are hammered out. Then again, the trade paper speculates, maybe it’s all falling apart for real.
The truth, of course, is that no one knows — maybe not even Stern himself. The only certainty is that Stern will stretch out his final chapter as long as possible, no matter how many listeners he infuriates along the way.
