Roast Jokes Set Bad Example for Kids, Tom Brady Tells Well-Known Bad Example for Kids Logan Paul

First of all, I’d like to apologize for bringing you news regarding Logan Paul’s podcast. I’m not happy about it either. The phrase “we have news regarding Logan Paul’s podcast” is something that would be whispered in my ear to dismay like George W. Bush hearing about 9/11 at that book reading.

What was the subject of conversation? Among other things, parenting. Which is even more confusing, as talking to Logan Paul about setting a positive example for children is like talking to Henry Kissinger about ethics in warfare. More specifically, Brady’s participation in his own televised roast clearly still occupies troubling space within his beautiful, perfectly alkaline skull.

Credit where credit’s due, he takes responsibility for his own participation instead of passing the buck to specific comics who were simply doing their job. He says that, though he personally had no problem with how hard the comics went at him, it was a parenting “fuck-up” to have his kids watch him chuckle at jokes about his wife getting into a figure-sixty-nine leg lock with her Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu teacher. 

Fair.

Specifically, he said that the conversation with his kids the next day was painful, with them asking, “Why did you do that?” To which I would have replied, “So that I can eventually fund your inevitable, doomed attempts to become artists or entrepreneurs,” but that’s probably part of the reason I’m without child. I honestly wonder if Tom Brady regrets his recent turn to paparazzi-style celebrity when he’d been known his whole career for staying out of the spotlight besides Sundays.

Divorce can be a tough thing for children to deal with. I can only imagine it’s tougher when Kevin Hart makes jokes about your mom banging your stepdad, and suddenly you can’t watch Jumanji anymore. I do think the pattern of televised roasts catching the criticism is a little selective, given that the entire concept of celebrity subsists on people consuming your personal trauma like a raccoon tearing at a discarded, day-old Danish.

All in all, I can’t fault his take when he’s honest enough to shoulder the blame. If he wanted to point his ire anywhere, he probably should aim it at the agents and executives who forced him to do a televised roast. “It’ll be funny when Kim Kardashian stumbles through pre-written material about the lowest point of your life,” they presumably coaxed, because they needed more piles of money to perform frottage against next to a shitty Jeff Koons sculpture in their ugly ultra-modern homes.