Seven Historical Figures Infected With the Woke Mind Virus

These days, you can’t commit even a tiny hate crime without getting canceled/arrested for violating federal law. It truly is political correctness gone mad, by which we mean the proper end result of societal due process but wearing funky socks. The woke mob demands that everyone be given equal opportunity regardless of gender, race or economic status, even though some people don’t want that. And they call that democracy.

But this struggle actually isn’t as new as it might seem. You might be surprised to learn just how far back the history of wokeism goes and even that some of your favorite historical figures were crushed beneath its wheel.

7 Abraham Lincoln

Lincoln most famously presided over the abolition of slavery in the United States, making him both a universally beloved political figure and an enormous cuck. No one is saying it was the wrong move, but denying the South their American right to not be America anymore was some nanny-state shit, and you can’t deny that emancipation put former slaves on equal legal footing with other citizens in many respects.

6 Martin Luther King Jr.

Dr. King is another figure you can’t just come out and say you dislike, and there are huge advantages to keeping up the charade. He advocated for non-violence, so people who would have happily kicked his ass love to quote him whenever anyone’s getting too demanding. Unfortunately, he also advocated for forcing the government to treat all people equally, not allowing employers to just do whatever they want to their workers, and just letting all eligible citizens vote, and that simply cannot stand.

5 Mahatma Gandhi

Gandhi also advocated for non-violence, but he was far less quotable, so it’s not clear why he was even so revered. He spent his life promoting economic, class, religious and gender equality, so… that’s a lot of equality. The man was basically a walking diversity seminar. He was also not a fan of the British colonization of India just because they ruined curry and oppressed the indigenous population. You know what they say about British imperialism: love it or put up with it. He was also always running around in those kicky little skirts, so he was clearly an enemy of traditional masculinity.

4 William Shakespeare

Speaking of gender traitors, everyone who’s seen the historical reenactment Shakespeare in Love knows that William Shakespeare’s plays were performed solely by male actors, even the female roles. That makes Shakespeare a pioneer of drag shows, a groomer of groomers, and just because the reason for it was to keep women in their proper place in the home doesn’t make it okay. He was also a teacher, aka a cultural marxism indoctrinator. Bet he looooved him some Marx.

3 Albert Einstein

This is a tough one. On the one hand, he fled his native Germany upon Hitler’s rise to power, which indicates some seriously anti-patriotic soy boy tendencies. On the other hand, the Nazis were bad because the U.S. defeated them. Not for any particular reason — they just happened to be on the other side, and being against America is bad. What were we talking about again? Oh, right. As a mathematician, Einstein was also an ivory tower elite, so he was probably all about that affirmative action and trigger warnings and what have you. Just look at the guy — total long-haired hippie.

2 Susan B. Anthony

Susan B. Anthony was a woman, which means she was especially susceptible to the woke mind virus. (If only there were a vaccine for that! But still, don’t take it.) Indeed, marching in her bloomers for women’s right to vote, she might as well have been wearing a pink pussy hat over her purple hair and not much else for the SlutWalk. Not that women shouldn’t have rights — they should just politely wait for them to be magically handed down by a vague and unaccountable authority. It goes without saying that she was also a teacher, and not just because it was one of the few occupations socially acceptable for a woman of her station. For the Marxism.

1 Theodore Roosevelt

This one hurts. It turns out Teddy Roosevelt, the alpha and omega of alphas, had a whole bunch of positions that would put him squarely at home with the special snowflakes of the world. Specifically, the Square Deal, a precursor to the New Deal (yes, that New Deal) that rested on the three pillars of consumer protection, corporate regulation and environmental protection (which sounds a lot more like a triangle, but apparently, you can’t even call shapes by their true names these days). Yeah, the moose tamer wanted to castrate the invisible hand of the free market and pwotect the pwetty panda bears. He was even a Fight for $15 guy, though it was more like 15 cents back then. He was a member of the Progressive Party, for crying out loud. Thank goodness he loved colonialism so much, or a lot of people might have to seriously rethink their views.