5 Famous People Who Puked in Public
Famous people, with their bank accounts that stand as a fuck you to every struggling person on the planet, have all sorts of advantages over us worms. One of those advantages is that the very same money and fame that insulates them from so much misfortune even comes through in times of medical need. They can avoid all sorts of unfortunate body happenings that we’re left to struggle with down here in the fields, through cash-flashing and name recognition. At this point stating something like “wow, that celebrity has aged well” feels purposely obtuse, since we all know they’re probably getting blown up with boy blood like a smooth balloon on the regular.
But there are still bodily functions that they’re forced to endure. Notably, embarrassing ones like a good old fashioned upchuck, which they can’t always make it back to the their gilded toilets for. The man who invented the internet probably foresaw it as a way to share information across the world and kick technological and scientific advancement into high gear. In some ways it did, but also, now it’s just a place to see celebrities throwing up, complete with video when available!
Justin Bieber
Whoa there, boy wonder! You thought that, in the midst of putting on a physically taxing, exhausting show to thousands of fans, you could exhibit a moment of weakness, bravely play it off and continue to give them the entertainment they’d pay for, and we WOULDN’T NOTICE? You underestimate our ghoulish need to celebrate unpleasant moments! There’s a whole online video industry built around pimple popping, so you might as well have been throwing up pageviews!
Lady Gaga
People puke at concerts all the time. The combination of heat, overstimulation and chemical personality adulterants make for what’s not your brightest moment. They’re not on camera, though, so we can’t skewer those dumb suckers! They weren’t even doing complicated and demanding choreography, so you better BELIEVE that pop star Lady Gaga has blown chunks on stage on occasion. You can imagine that if the performance was enough to make her empty her tum-tum, it must have been an incredible experience. Unfortunately, this is the part that the YouTube algorithm demands!
Donovan McNabb
Despite continued Hall of Fame rejections, Donovan McNabb was one of the NFL’s great quarterbacks. He was a dynamic dual-threat and reached the pinnacle of a demanding sport. He also occasionally threw up on the gridiron he so dominated, including during a game against the Tampa Bay Buccaneers in 90-degree heat. This in a game where he ran for 76 yards, which would probably make most adults throw up even without the world’s biggest men trying to take their head off and with no mental pressure. Get it together, McNabb! Point and laugh at the sick man, children!
David Beckham
David Beckham is the Donovan McNabb of soccer, but better. It’s worth mentioning next that soccer is a sport in which players regularly run an average of seven miles. Not only that, but he’s a midfielder, which tend to run the most of any player on the field. So is it surprising that, during matches on brutally hot, almost 90-degree days, there’s a bit of food that’s reintroduced to the air, especially if a player is playing through severe dehydration? I wouldn’t say so. But that doesn’t mean it’s not gross! Ew, Becks! Get it together!
George H.W. Bush
Okay, this one’s bad enough to be pretty funny. I’m no foreign-policy wonk, but I generally understand that throwing up in the lap of a foreign leader does not improve your standing. Reportedly, George H.W. Bush had been battling a case of severe gastroenteritis before things came to — and out of — a head at the dinner. He also immediately fainted after puking, which I guess is a good distraction.
The weirdest part is, given that some people think it was partly responsible for him losing the 1992 presidential election to Bill Clinton, this single cookie toss might have affected the history of the entire world. After all, it’s pretty gross.
