If Classic ‘80s Comedies Were Remade Today
“If Back to the Future was made today,” Matt Oswalt recently posted on Threads, “Marty McFly would travel back in time 30 years to 1994 and get his parents to kiss at Lollapalooza by filling in for Nirvana after Kurt Cobain killed himself.”
That earned a “goddammit matt” from @goldengateblond, but wait, Oswalt says, it gets worse. “Instead of a DeLorean he goes back in a Cybertruck.” Oswalt got us thinking — how would today’s evolving technology and culture make classic 1980s comedies look different in 2024?
Danny Noonan works as a caddie at the exclusive Mar-A-Lago golf resort to raise money for college. Danny tries to buddy up to the club’s narcissistic founder but finds himself drawn to the My Pillow guy instead. Meanwhile, mentally unstable groundskeeper Rudy Giuliani unsuccessfully tries to kill trolls with a high-pressure hose.
A mysterious fortune-telling app transforms 12-year-old Josh Baskin into a man. He posts innovative toy ideas on Instagram, where they’re instantly stolen by an overseas plaything manufacturer. Josh loses his virginity to grown-ass adult Susan, who registers as a sex offender after she’s outed on The Pat McAfee Show.
The journalists are laid off and replaced by reruns of Ridiculousness.
Ferris Bueller’s Day Off
Pouty Ferris (Matt Rife) posts a TikTok about his epic day in Chicago (swiping special-needs helmets from a day-care center, installing an even pointier jaw implant, publicly destroying an audience member who needs to use the restroom), earning him a $20 million payday from Netflix.
The Breakfast Club
Five students (still failing to represent an appropriate cross-section of ethnicities, sexual preferences, and gender identifications) spend Saturday in a Zoom chatroom as punishment for a ChatGPT cheating scandal. A clip of Vice Principal Vernon threatening to knock John Bender’s dick in the dirt goes viral, causing Vernon to lose his job but earning him a slot in Season 14 of Big Brother: Secrets and Lies.
The government finally admits malevolent ghosts are a real thing, but only to distract the populace from discussing the names on Jeffrey Epstein’s flight logs.
When Harry Met Sally
After swiping through hundreds of potential Tinder dates, Harry and Sally hold on to each other for dear life.