12 Calorically Dense Bits of Trivia to Pack into Your Brainpan Before the Long Winter

It’s never too early to start bulking up
12 Calorically Dense Bits of Trivia to Pack into Your Brainpan Before the Long Winter

I’m not trying to ruin your summer here, but it’s time to start thinking about the long, cold, boring winter months that lie ahead. I’m preaching to the choir, of course, but hibernation season starts in October — and we’re already starting to see Halloween decorations at CVS and pumpkin spice coffee at Wawa.

And look, I don’t mean to be crass, but mating season is well and truly over. Either you got some, or you didn’t; either way, there’s no one left to impress with that lean summer body and empty, amorous, ursine brain. It’s time to start packing on the pounds — and putting away fascinating little bits of trivia — to keep you warm, healthy and enthralled until April.

So go ahead, get grazing! Laid out before you is a veritable pic-a-nic basket of morsels about Walt Disney’s anti-tampon propaganda, Jeff Bezos’ big, stupid clock and Frank Gehry’s great folly.

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Disney Once Produced Anti-Tampon Propaganda

They produced a 10-minute educational video about periods, sponsored by the International Cello-Cotton Company, bringing in a gynecologist as a consultant to give them more street cred among school nurses. The video was sent to a bunch of schools, along with a pro-Kotex, anti-Tampax pamphlet. (Source)

35 Percent of Millennials Have Gone into Debt for a Bachelor or Bachelorette Party

A study has found that 20 percent of Americans overall have gone into debt to attend one of these shindigs, with Millennials beating out all other age groups at 35 percent. It’s not worth going into Nashville for a bachelor party, let alone going into debt. (Source)

William Shatner’s Greatest Moment Was Ruined by Existential Dread (and Jeff Bezos)

Shatner took a brief, rare, expensive trip to space in 2021. Instead of feeling like a badass, real-life Captain Kirk, he felt like an insignificant, fleeting speck of dust: “All I saw was death. I saw a cold, dark, black emptiness.” When he was trying to describe these complex emotions immediately after touching back down, he was interrupted by a petulant Jeff Bezos beckoning for a bottle of champagne: “I want one!” (Source)

Soccer Chief’s Mommy Goes on Hunger Strike After He Forcibly Kissed a Woman

After publicly forcing one of his players into a celebratory tongue war, Spanish Soccer Federation President Luis Rubiales is being asked to step down. In response to the backlash, his mother has locked herself in a church and started a hunger strike until everyone stops picking on her boy. (Source)

The Swedish King Who Suffered Death by Cinnabon

Now, there’s a chance it was contemporary propaganda, but in 1771, King Adolf Frederick died from something along the lines of poisoning or heart failure. This, after reportedly eating a whole bunch of lobster, sauerkraut, turnips and 14 helpings of semlas, or huge, decadent cinnamon buns. (Source)

Jeff Bezos’ Clock Is ‘More Important Than Cancer’

Bezos chucked $42 million at The 10,000 Year Clock, an enormous, incredibly slow timepiece being built inside a mountain, that’s meant to remind humans of the long arc of time (or whatever). It was conceived by entrepreneur and jagoff Danny Hillis who, when asked why he was wasting money on this clock, and not on his cancer research startup, said, “I think this is the most important thing I can work on. More than cancer. I think this will make more difference to more people.” (Source)

Whoppers May Be Illegally Smol

A class-action lawsuit claims that Burger King’s portrayal of burger patties that “overflow over the bun” is misleading. A judge has ruled that the suit can move forward so that a jury can “tell us what reasonable people think.” (Source)

An Album Art Designer Double Dipped in the Freaky Spider Well

Two albums that are coming out on the same day, whose covers were designed by the same guy, are nearly identical. There’s Doja Cat’s new album, Scarlet, and a joint from German metal band Chaver, which feature the same purple spider. (Source)

Human Flesh Was an Arthritis Cure

Executioners would sometimes harvest fat from their victims, and sell it as a pharmacological (or sometimes just magic) treatment for various aches and pains. In German, it was known as Armsünderschmalz: “grease from poor sinners put to death.” (Source)

Frank Gehry Tried to Downplay His Blinding Nightmare Tower

When L.A.’s gleaming, stainless steel-exterior Disney Concert Hall was built in 2003, it immediately started blinding drivers and torturing nearby residents. Gehry tried everything to fix it, from impotently dangling a small tarp to insisting it wasn’t a big deal: “It’s not a story that should be all around the world like it is. So I don’t know why you guys are even talking about it.” They eventually had to sand down the whole thing to give it more of a matte finish. (Source)

A Sherpa Spent 21 Hours on the Summit of Everest

Thirty-three-year-old Babu Chhiri Sherpa dedicated his eighth summit of Everest to setting an endurance record: spending 21 hours in those extreme conditions, without supplemental oxygen. He also set the record for most successful summits, at 10, but died on his 11th attempt when he fell into a crevasse while taking pictures. (Source)

There Was No Backup Plan If Buzz Aldrin and Neil Armstrong Got Stuck on the Moon

In the final press conference before the Apollo 11 mission began, the astronauts were asked what they would do in the event they got stuck on the moon. They would only reveal that there was no contingency plan, with Armstrong saying, through a forced smile, “That’s an unpleasant thing to think about.” (Source)

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