5 More Obscenely Accurate Characters From Kyle Gordon (AKA DJ Crazy Times)

5 More Obscenely Accurate Characters From Kyle Gordon (AKA DJ Crazy Times)

After weeks of viral red herrings, DJ Crazy Times has finally released the official video for his loving homage to Eurodance, “Planet of the Bass.” It’s great! No notes! We have exactly nothing to add to the deluge of great reviews it’s already gotten. What we do have is a brand new, seldom-before-seen character from the relentless goofball behind DJ Crazy Times, Kyle Gordon.

Kyle is a comedian, musician, and character actor who’s racked up millions of views on his veritable Pokedex of all the most insufferable brands of dudes, and we put together a list of the most brutally accurate Kyle Gordon characters. He performed at last month’s Cracked Live show in Brooklyn, and, what do you know, one of his characters from that set appears right at the top of our list!

Queen of the Girlboss Anthems, Tonya McCabe

Tonya McCabe, in the Kyle Gordon canon, is a feminist country singer who was huge in the early 2000’s. You can tell this from her dated references – “Well, here's my boot, right up Bin Laden's ass” – and her no-bones brand of “girls rule, boys drool” girlboss feminism. The chorus is a perfect example of the latter: “Girls are the best in the world / Every good person is a girl.”

She also sprinkles in plenty of those suspiciously conservative talking points you’re always kind of bracing for in certain eras of country music: “Girls can be Baptists, or a Lutheran priest / Any type of Christian is good.” And while she performatively, verbosely avoids swear words, she has pointedly little to say in support of intersectional feminism: “Well, I don't care if you're white or brown or green or purple or black / You talk about racism, here’s what I think about that / …it’s bad!”

Come for the music, stay for the straight-up misandrist audience participation, where she encourages the men to “stand tall, stand proud,” only to instruct the women in the crowd to berate their genitals and physically assault them in the name of feminism.

The Kid That’s No Fun

We all know this kid. Frankly, we’ve all been this kid. If you weren’t, then either your dad was your coach or your mom was your teacher, and I pity you. He’s a relentless dweeb who simultaneously demands leadership and inspires ridicule. Find him at the grocery store (“It’s FINE! You’re allowed to have free samples!”), at a sleepover (“Sorry, where can I set up my nebulizer? I’m feeling pretty wheezy.”), or on a hike (“Oh my gosh guys, I literally just saw a bobcat. YES I DID!”).

Life in the 1900’s

Kyle’s ongoing series exploring the harsh working conditions, tragic optimism, and chemical dependence of the 20th century will make you lose the last remaining shred of respect you had for your grandparents. He covers the 1920’s (“The World War is over! Definitely won’t have another one of those again!”), the 1930’s (“They’re holding the Olympics in Germany? Well, good for them. They’ve got a bright future.”), the 1940’s (“You’re Japanese, and you live in Arkansas? How’d you end up there? The government did what?”), and some more specific characters like flamboyant gang members and child laborers.

Old-Timey Baseball Player

In fact, he has an entire series of characters dedicated to cocky, out-of-shape baseball legends of the 20th century. He takes on the curmudgeonly athlete who believes all the exact wrong things about the human body (“Whatcha stretchin’ for? You’re gonna bust ya legs!”), the comic relief in historical baseball movies (“I’m the Jewish character, and I’m always crackin’ wise!”), and the benign white noise that passed for smack talk in the good old days (“He’s got a mouse in his trousers!”)

College Kid on a Service Trip

This one isn’t a series (as far as we can tell), but he’s at his best when he’s inhabiting the most insufferable – yet elated – brand of turd on the planet. This is the rich kid who spends his family’s seemingly unlimited resources on a brief bout of poverty tourism, and, wouldn’t you know it, even learns a little something along the way. Specifically, he learns that he has the power and vision to exploit these humble folks, for profit

Watch Kyle’s character from the Cracked Live show here, or above. And if you’re in New York, come to the next one on 9/20 at The Cutting Room!

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