14 of Stewie’s Best Insults on ‘Family Guy’

Stewie Griffin is known for a number of things. He’s a one-year-old prodigy with a mastery of physics who has invented a time-traveling device, a mind-control device and even a weather-changing device. He hates broccoli almost as much as he hates his mother, and if he had it his way, they’d both be eradicated from the planet. But what he’s probably best known for are his whip-smart, scathing insults, all delivered in his signature (yet nonsensical) English accent. 

Being on the other side of his ire is a world of hurt for his adversaries, as the brutal burns below can more than attest to…

14) “After (Dazed and Confused), everything else was awful. Contact… they didn't even need you. They didn’t even need you in that movie. They could’ve done the whole movie without you.”

13) “Brian, I think we can get John Mayer to stop tweeting again, but we all got to work together.”

12) “If I see one onion on there, you can forget about the $1.80 tip you need to live.”

11) “How many gray pubes you pluck today, you old bag?”

10) “I’ve taken on bigger challenges before. I had to explain to America why Heidi Klum broke up with Seal… Face.”

9) “How you comin’ on that novel you’re working on? Huh? Got a big stack of papers there? Got a nice little story you’re working on there? Your big novel you’ve been working on for three years? Huh? Got a compelling protagonist? Yeah? Got an obstacle for him to overcome? Huh? Little story brewing there? Working on that for quite some time? Huh?”

8) “There’s a book in there on how to eat healthy. Why don’t you take that you fat bitch?”

7) “Oh God, look at me having sex with a pig. I’ve become my father.”

6) “You’re the end result of a drunken backseat grope fest and a broken prophylactic.”

5) “How does it feel to be the least cultured person at a bus station?”

4) “Take your Juicy sweatpants and your dirty pillow from home and your bucket of Coke and get the hell out of my sight.”

3) “Well, I’d love to stay and chat, but you’re a total bitch.”

2) “May every person that laughs at your sophomoric effort be a reminder of your eternal mediocrity and pierce your heart like a knife!”

1) “Damn you, vile woman! You’ve impeded my work since the day I escaped from your wretched womb.”