15 Hall Of Fame Jokes From Celebrities Not Known For Being Funny

Once you puked with Sylvia Plath, you were friends forever.
15 Hall Of Fame Jokes From Celebrities Not Known For Being Funny

We’ve given plenty of jokes from professional comedians the Hall of Fame honors this year, but this time around we’re giving props to some classic lines from people who made a name for themselves in other lines of work. Comedy may not have been their true calling in life, but for these lines alone, they certainly deserve the credit. So, let’s all hop into the time machine and enjoy the most randomly star-studded amateur open mic night ever. 

Rod Stewart on Marriage

“Instead of getting married again, I’m going to find a woman I don’t like and give her a house.”

Ernest Hemmingway’s Lesson on Humility

“Always do sober what you said you’d do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.”

Public Domain

Whoa, Ernie, totally not arguing with that.

Abraham Lincoln Manages to Perfectly Describe Nearly Every Modern Politician

“He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.”

George Will on Pessimism

“The nice part about being a pessimist is that you are constantly being either proven right or pleasantly surprised.”

Richard Nixon, Hilarious in Retrospect

“I would not like to be a Russian leader. They never know when they're being taped.”

Public Domain

Smile, you're being secretly taped!

Axl Rose on Monogamy

“It’s really hard to maintain a one-on-one relationship if the other person is not going to allow me to be with other people.”

Friedrich Nietzsche, Sounding Like A Grandpa Character in a 90s Sitcom

“Family love is messy, clinging, and of an annoying and repetitive pattern… like bad wallpaper.”

Henry Kissinger May Have Earned His Special Place in Hell, But the Man Was a Quip Machine

“Corrupt politicians make the other ten percent look bad”

We Weren't Kidding

“Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes. There is too much fraternizing with the enemy.”

Last One

“The nice thing about being a celebrity is that if you bore people they think it's their fault.”

Wikimedia Commons - The Kremlin

“And here's the kicker: I bombed North Vietnam on Christmas!"

Thomas de Mahy, Marquis de Favras, Proving That Timing Is Everything

(Upon reading his death sentence) “You have made three spelling mistakes.”

Sandra Bullock on Taking The High Road

“Whoever established the high road and how high it should be should be fired.”

Silvia Plath, Accidentally Sounding Like A Bert Kreischer Routine

“There is nothing like puking with somebody to make you into old friends.”

Kanye West in 2007 Giving Us All a Fifteen-Year Heads-Up

“People be feeling like I’m cocky because of the shit that I say; if you could imagine the shit that I think.”

Public Domain

We've got all the info we need at this point, thanks.

Christopher Hitchens on the Death of Jerry Falwell.

“If you gave Falwell an enema, he could be buried in a matchbox.”

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