4 Of The Weirdest Sex Scenes Ever (Are In Stephen King Books)
Stephen King is known for his unsettling horror stories and for writing about one novel a year, which, if our math is correct, means he's done about 2022 so far. What he's NOT known for is for his highly erotic sex scenes. While we doubt there are a whole lot of people who buy Stephen King books expecting to be aroused, anyone who did would end up being subjected to bizarre, crotch-drying scenes like ...
"Dedication" - A Hotel Maid Gets Bewitched Into Eating A Famous Author's "Spunk" From His Bed
"Dedication" is a short Stephen King story about a Black hotel maid tasked with cleaning the room of a famous writer in the 1950s and eventually having a kid who becomes a famous writer too. Well, that sounds like a pretty straightforward premise right there; what's so "Stephen King" about it? For starters, there's a witch involved:
And then that witch hypnotizes the hotel maid into cleaning "soiled" bed sheets with her mouth.
Let's back up: the maid goes to see the witch, Mama Delorme, because she found a little recipient with white powder in her drunken husband's coat pocket and wanted to know what it was. The witch tells her that it's (*gasp*) drugs and also informs her that she's three weeks pregnant and should seek out her kid's "natural father." The maid somehow takes this to mean an author currently staying at her hotel, who's definitely not the unborn child's biological dad (the drunkard is) because they've never had sex. He barely even knows she exists, and it's made clear that he doesn't care much for Black people anyway, but the witch says he's the magical baby daddy.
How? Well, the next time the maid is cleaning up the author's room, she finds a big ol' mess of mostly-dried "spunk" in his bed, which is not an unusual sight in her line of work. What is unusual (we assume) is that, despite being repulsed by the writer's racism and not finding him the slightest bit attractive, she's overcome by a need to scrape off and consume said spunk. She describes it as:
Once the maid gets home, she repeatedly vomits, thinking about the fact that she just ate straight out of some guy's dirty bedsheets, which would be gross enough even if they'd been completely un-jizzed. The next day, she goes to clean the writer's bed again, dreading what she might do if she finds more dried-up man-yogurt, but then she sees it and ...
Yes, she automatically starts eating the spunk again and continues doing so for several days, convinced that the witch is behind her unsanitary new compulsion. This continues until the writer leaves the hotel, and despite spending several pages describing how grossed out she was by the whole ordeal, the maid admits that "part of me was almost disappointed." Maybe she even went and smelled some other guests' farts off their dirty laundry, but no, it just wasn't the same.
The maid eventually gives birth to a kid who looks nothing like the writer, but deep down, she knows that he's the "natural father." This is confirmed years later when he becomes a successful author whose work (and even his handwriting) bears an uncanny resemblance to that of some long-dead racist he never met. Is Stephen King saying that all instances of literary plagiarism are caused by semen-eating curses or only some? Try telling that to your professor if you get caught cheating on a paper.
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Dark Tower III: The Waste Lands - An Incubus Gets WAY More Than He Bargained For
The Dark Tower movie was panned for taking bits and pieces from various novels in the long-running series as if trying to condense 4,250 pages into 95 minutes would leave anyone happy. The only consolation is that those bits didn't include the part where one of the main characters keeps a rape-demon distracted by giving it a rough taste of its own medicine.
In The Waste Lands, the third book in the series, the characters are magically drawing an ally from another world, but they're worried that an invisible sex demon will interrupt them with an attack. A sexual attack. By the way, the ally in question is an 11-year-old boy, so that concern is doubly disturbing. In order to defend the group, one character summons one of her multiple personalities (an angry 1960s Black woman named Detta) who lets the demon in, then screws him so roughly that this unthinkable entity from another plane of existence is like, "Man, I didn't sign up for this, I'm outta here."
Of course, Detta doesn't let her magical rapist go and keeps raping him while calling this "sobbing, frightened, vicious thing" mean names like "honkey demon." Nothing that happens in this scene is more offensive than Stephen King's "Black woman" dialogue in general, though.
The plan works, but as a result, Detta/Susannah becomes pregnant with a half-demon were-spider child. At least she didn't have to give birth to it herself because the fetus was "faxed" into the body of a sexual vampire, so it's the sexual vampire who delivers the baby and is subsequently devoured by it. Those are a lot of plot twists there, but the most surprising one is that everything we just described was written after King had kicked his cocaine habit.
Bag Of Bones - A Famous Author Gets A Handjob From A Long-Dead Blues Singer
Bag of Bones is narrated by a man named Mike Noonan, who happens to be a best-selling novelist from Maine (as in "home of best-selling novelist Stephen King" Maine). At one point, he has what he calls "the world's most creative wet-dream -- a triptych in which I had screwed two women and gotten a hand job from a third, all at the same time." The three women are his dead wife (who turns into a corpse mid-screwing, but he keeps soldiering on) ...
... his 20-year-old new love interest, and, performing the handwork, Sara Tidwell, a long-dead Black blues singer. Why, yes, she does call him "sugar," how did you know?
Okay, we're starting to sense a theme here. Which is especially notable because the three Black women we've mentioned so far are approximately 60% of all Black women Stephen King has ever written. At least we know there aren't any WTF sex scenes involving King's most famous Black female character, 108-year-old Mother Abagail from The Stand ...
The Stand -- Mother Abigail Gets Assaulted By A Crowd (Also: Sex Corn)
Oh, wait, scratch that. You wouldn't know it from the TV versions or the non-expanded edition of the book, but Mother Abagail also has a regrettable sex scene. In a nightmare, she relives the moment when she played the Christian song "Rock of Ages" on guitar in front of a white crowd in 1902, only this time her demonic nemesis Randall Flag is there. His mere presence causes the white folks to get extremely racist and also extremely handsy with her.
Luckily, Abagail quickly transitions into another dream about corn, and surely there can't be anything sexual about tha--
Uh, okay, we stand corrected. No pun intended.
Perhaps just to prove that not all of his weird sex scenes have to include old-timey Black women, King also included a moment in The Stand where one character called "The Kid" (not a literal kid) sodomizes another known as "The Trashcan Man" with his gun, planning to pull the trigger and kill him when he orgasms. “He” as in the gunman ... although the victim gets pretty close to it, too.
Fortunately for Trashcan Man, his "partner" is the sort of person who falls asleep immediately after seeing himself off, so he never gets to the "shooting him" part because he's snoring within seconds. And dreaming of corn, presumably. Sexy, sexy corn.
Top image: Grant, Doubleday