Channing Tatum's Ears: The Weirdest Movie Items From The Wachowskis' Charity Auction
Lilly and Lana Wachowski have announced they are auctioning off nearly 200 items from their long career in order to support charities devoted to protecting young trans people, and also to clear out their basement (or "Raiders of the Lost Ark warehouse," as Lilly called it). Not only is it a good cause, but you get the chance to own historically important items like ...
Channing Tatum's Dog Ears From Jupiter Ascending
Current bid: $425
For the Channing Tatum lover or, alternatively (and less realistically), the Jupiter Ascending liker in your life. This is the ideal gift for those who are desperate to own something that has touched Tatum's body, but can't afford one of his Magic Mike thongs. (We assume they're going for hundreds of thousands of dollars but we're not gonna look that up, or we'll be there all day.)
A Matrix-Themed Pachinko Gambling Machine
Current bid: $2,400
Just what your living room needs: an incredibly noisy Japanese gambling device that will probably trigger a seizure in anyone with photosensitive epilepsy within five seconds of being turned on. The objective of the game is to navigate a series of metal balls into cups while trying not to be distracted by the flashing lights or the random Matrix clips playing on the screen. You can see one in action here (but seriously, don't play if flashing lights mess you up):
The Red Tape Keanu Once Stood On
Current bid: $300
Yes, not only did the Wachowskis keep some of the red tape used to tell actors "go stand there" during the Matrix movies, but they had an artist turn it into a beautiful oil on canvas painting. So for a few hundred bucks, you can get some nice artwork for your home and some emergency tape in case you run out.
A Working Matrix Reloaded Tie-In Samsung Phone From 2003
Current bid: $1,600
One of only 200 existing Samsung phones featuring a retractable earpiece that reveals a screen with Matrix-like scrolling text. This (non-smart) phone comes loaded with voice clips, ring tones, and exclusive images from The Matrix Reloaded -- it even says "Hello" and "Good-bye" to you when you turn it on and off, like Neo's PC in the first movie! (Or like your kid's Elmo phone, we guess.) The description specifies it's "fully-functional," though you might have to get a hole drilled on the back of your neck to unlock all of its features.
Fake Drugs And Cough Syrup From Sense8
Current bid: $125
Did you watch Sense8 and say, "Man, one day I'll own that bent and rusty spoon that character is using to shoot up heroin in that scene there," only for all of your friends to laugh at you at the Sense8 watching party? Feel free to buy this "screen-used" drug kit from the show and rub it on their faces (but not literally, because that does look kinda rusty).
You can also buy a separate kit that comes with an additional spoon and "two plastic bags wit prop heroin," which is currently going for $175. If that's too high of an investment for you but you already have your heart set on getting some Sense8 drugs, perhaps this $100 fake cough syrup bottle from the show can serve as fake heroin substitute.
Related: Cracked Round-Up: Soft Drugs Edition
A Chip N' Dale Toy Once Owned By Susan Sarandon
Current bid: $325
We don't imagine this Chip N' Dale figurine lovingly signed by Speed Racer and Cloud Atlas star Susan Sarandon was taking up a lot of space in the Wachowskis' warehouse, but they have still decided to part with it, as they did with these traditional Hawaiian stones Keanu gave them ($1,100 as of this writing). For a minimum of $225, you can also help them get rid of this silver alarm clock Joel Silver game them, which they're presumably off-loading because they just got the pun.
Two Pages From Gambit #3 (1999)
Current bid: $650
Why are the Wachowskis selling original artwork from a 1999 Marvel comic featuring the most annoying X-Man? Why do they even own that in the first place? Because those pages were drawn by their frequent storyboard artist Steve Skroce, who also drew the obscure Wachowski-written '90s Marvel comic that eventually led to the creation of The Matrix. Most significantly, those two heavily armored thugs threatening Gambit are supposed to be the Wachowskis as they looked in 1999:
Personally, if we owned professional artwork of ourselves doing bad things to Gambit we would never, ever part with it, but that's how serious the Wachowskis are about this cause. If none of these items strike your fancy but you still want to support the Protect & Defend Trans Youth Fund at a time when certain sectors of society seem determined to make young trans people's lives as miserable as possible, we encourage you to do so here.
Top image: Warner Bros. Pictures