Happy Earth Day, everyone! Let's celebrate — together! — the fact that we are one year closer to the extinction of our species and, eventually, our planet. Incredible. Praise Gaia. And what better way to celebrate than by ranking and discussing the outfits of that classy guy, that ol' joker, Dwight's eco alter ego — it's Recyclops, everyone!

So much anger, Recyclops. Much like Mother Nature, furious at us for all those plastic straws. Anyway, by ranking Dwight K. Schrute’s Recyclops outfits, we may learn a thing or two about the often unhinged character who, in this famous cold opening from The Office, went from tree-hugging Nature Boy who cares about the planet and likes a spot of gardening to full-on Trash Terminator, Destroyer of Worlds. 

And it only took him five years to turn. Much like how long it took everyone to not give a melting ice cap over what particular straw they use.

Year One: Nature Boy

This first outfit saw the introduction of Dwight’s plight, with his green shirt, his multiple bandanas for some reason, and that big staring eye situated on his forehead illustrating the all-seeing, all-creepy Recyclops who really just wants to teach everyone about using milk cartons as planters.

NBC Universal Television Studio

And human flesh as fertilizer.

Power rank: 2 Definite Apocalypses. Sure, Dwight may be trying to spread awareness here with his milk plant thingy or whatever, but we all know that he’s being as efficient as that recycling sticker on a car’s bumper that is not ours. Also, two bandanas are so wasteful. At this rate, the planet will die two times over.

Year Two: Frustration Boy

It’s the one where he gets annoyed having to teach people about the bin and plastic numbers. It's also the one where he either wanted to accentuate the one-eyed cyclops gimmick, or he may have developed an aversion to most types of light sources. You just never know with this guy.

NBC Universal Television Studio

Power rank: 1 Definite Apocalypse. Yeah … that odd-looking half a headgear paired with those sunnies and elbow pads might just scare us into actually learning all those plastic numbers (or, subliminally, make us take up cycling). That t-shirt, too, is kinda weird and demanding. Like, we wouldn’t be surprised if “soylent green” is written on the back there. Nevertheless, the world will still end because we’re all trash.

Year Three: Recyclops Evolves

And by evolve, we mean “starting to give up.”  It was this year that Dwight’s character adopted a deeper, raspier voice to tell one and all employees of Dunder Mifflin: “Recyclops will drown you in your overwatered lawn!” before pulling out a blinking LED display that read “Conserve.”

NBC Universal Television Studio

It boggles why people didn't want to listen to him.

Power rank: A Puck Away From 2 Apocalypses. He found a helmet — that shows growth. He’s wearing hockey gear — that shows a clear power play that will inevitably lead to certain death.

Year Four: Recyclops, Punisher Of Man And Swordsmanship

It was somewhere between Year Three and Year Four that the lore of Recyclops got interesting. According to Jim, Recyclops’ “fictional planet was attacked by some other fictitious thing” causing Recyclops to swear his revenge, and also change the “Conserve” LED box to “Punish” and wear it as part of his costume while brandishing a sword because who even cares when the planet is all but doomed.

NBC Universal Television Studio

It was around this time that Recyclops apparently denounced Earth Day and vowed to destroy Planet Earth.

Power rank: 4 Definite Apocalypses. This event alone counted as one because seeing Dwight/Recyclops give up on Planet Earth, choose his sci-fi fantasies instead and wield a sword like no person should ever wield a sword … there. Another apocalypse just happened during that sentence. It’s over. All hail Recyclops, Punisher of Everything.

This leads us to the final Recyclops outfit: The all-black, all cop/ninja get-up we will simply refer to as:

The Recyclopinator

NBC Universal Television Studio

It’s the outfit in which Dwight runs around, trashing up the office while yelling, “Recyclops destroy!,” as he sprays aerosol on everyone and screams how humans are terrible for the environment. Power rank here is a Skynet extinction event, with Dwight laughing like a maniac as it all goes down and probably yelling “I told you so” while running straight and also butt-naked into an oncoming tsunami.

Zanandi is on Twitter and also on that other platform.

Top Image: NBC Universal Television

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