Kids nowadays love dying over and over again on Elden Ring, so they should care to learn that the inventor of the respawn, our Elden lord and savior Jesus Christ, is about to make a return. I am Jesus Christ is both a pretty blasphemous claim and a mysterious VR title that went viral back in 2019 after debuting gameplay footage that was miraculously not impressive at all and still obviously just an amalgamation of pre-rendered cutscenes. 

In this inexplicably not fake game, players get to play as what we assume are the hands of Jesus as they go on about doing all sorts of miracles such as forcing people to remain alive in a time when being old must have sucked ass,

Jesus heals old woman

SimulaM

going biblical on the devil,

Jesus fights or maybe heals the devil, who knows

SimulaM

Why be faithful to the source when you can just straight-up copy Diablo.

just having a casual dinner with our clones,

The last supper

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waking up with just the worst hangover,

Jesus and his pals getting crucified

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or trying to steal players from the Dark Souls series by appealing to the foot fetish crowd.

Jesus washes someone's feet

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3 years later, I am Jesus Christ returned from development hell and has just debuted its first actual gameplay footage (that still looks borderline profane).

the game's terrible framerate

SimulaM

We did not slow the footage down. Unreal Engine 5 really is quite something.

The big takeaway here is that either God himself is trying to prevent this from materializing and the devs are so good that they're still managing to come up with something, or God is a 14-frames-per-second purist. Another really cool reveal from the new showcase is that Jesus will now seemingly be able to go inside people to fight viruses.

Jesus destroys one virus

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One spiky ball at a time.

The only reason this game doesn't make Jesus roll on his grave is that he's not dead and will never be.

Top Image: SimulaM

 

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