Andy Sidaris is undoubtedly a filmmaking genius. In the 1960s, he was a pioneer in sports television, having directed the coverage of hundreds of sporting events and even winning an Emmy award for ABC's broadcast of the 1968 Summer Olympics. He's also responsible for what might be the greatest innovation in sports television altogether: slow-motion instant replay. 

Every highlight film in existence is indebted to Andy Sidaris' genius, but like most measures of human greatness, that genius comes from a hilariously disturbing place, and if you take one look at Andy Sidaris' later filmography, you'll realize that place is ... boobs. Here is a trailer for Sidaris' 1989 film Savage Beach, the fourth installment in a series of action films he directed, which fans referred to as the "Triple B" series (The B's stand for Bullets, Bombs, and Babes), and is only the tip of the pervy iceberg. Try not to imagine what that iceberg is shaped like.

Now, this might seem pretty indistinguishable from the typical schlocky '80s action movie, and in many ways, it's precisely that, but there are two things the trailer undersells. One, the premise is actually fantastic on paper. It's like One Piece meets Hawaii Five-O. Two, there are so many boobs. Sidaris will have his characters take their tops off for any conceivable reason. Did your shirt get wet flying a plane somehow? Time to immediately change on camera. Are you marooned on an island without food, water, or shelter? Time to get topless and frolic in the ocean. Do you have a 15-minute break from your job as an undercover agent? Time to swim, boobies out, in the pool with all of your friends. Every single one of his films is like this.

As a director, Sidaris lies somewhere in the Venn diagram between Tommy Wiseau, Alfred Hitchcock, and Michael Bay, but as a pervert he is peerless. In addition to slow-motion instant replay, Sidaris is also famous for having invented the "honey shot" which is when they zoom in on hot girls and cheerleaders at sporting events. It's pretty obvious now that when Sidaris was giving us this:

He was clearly thinking about this:

It's hard to decide if this is more sad or hilarious. It's like finding out that Einstein calculated the speed of light in order to measure how fast he could ejaculate. Whatever the case, let Sidaris's story be a reminder: Genius never comes in a vacuum. Well, Sidaris is probably pervy enough to have cum in a vacuum, but hopefully, you get my point.

Support Dan on Twitter, and he will talk about his life with you in lieu of getting a therapist.

Top Image: Blackregis/Shutterstock, Malibu Bay Films


Get the Cracked Daily Newsletter!

We've got your morning reading covered.

Forgot Password?