We Watched 'Money Plane,' So You Don't Have To
With most movie theatres still closed, streaming video is the only way we're getting any new movies right now. This past weekend there were a few options to choose from; Netflix had The Old Guard starring Charlize Theron, and Apple had the Tom Hanks vehicle Greyhound -- which apparently is a World War II movie, not a sequel to The Terminal in which that same dude is living in a bus station. We also got Money Plane ...
... an action movie starring WWE champion Edge, Denise Richards, and Kelsey Grammer's palpable need to deliver multiple alimony payments. Our first indication that this movie might not be great was the poster, which seemed almost scientifically-calibrated to corner the Walgreens' DVD discount bin market.
The actual movie isn't so great either; the opening heist takes place in a jarringly unspecific "Art Museum," where a priceless masterpiece is housed inside of a small room that looks not unlike a production office with all of the furniture removed.
In a scene that's been making the rounds on Twitter ...... our hero, Jack Reese, meets with mob boss Darius Grouch the Third, AKA "The Rumble," played by Kelsey Grammer. Rumble enlists Reese and his crew to rip-off the titular Money Plane, where the "baddest motherfuckers on the planet" run an illegal gambling ring. As Grammer elucidates: "You wanna bet on a dude fuckin' an alligator ... money plane." Which is a weird sentence to hear out of
Reese, his crew, and his man-bun infiltrate the Money Plane, which looks less like an actual plane, and more like a plane-themed escape room that's inexplicably hosting a dinner theatre troupe. Oh yeah, and it's run by the director's brother: Joey Lawrence from Blossom.
The plane features a range of games; from cards, to Russian Roulette, to betting how long it will take for a guy to die of a cobra bite ... on top of a pentagram ... because all the inhabitants of the Money Plane are secretly Satanists, maybe? Sure, why the hell not.
And, while we don't want to spoil too much, the ending involves Grammer mumbling the words "Rumble time" before unloading a machine gun with the kind of fury normally reserved for when, say, Le Cigare Volant loses your pre-opera dinner reservations.
At least Money Plane isn't technically the worst thing to happen in 2020.
Top Image: Quiver Distribution