If a human body were comprised entirely of assholes then the asshole of that body would be Jeremy Piven. Seriously, this is a man who found a way to stand out as the douchey one on Entourage. Imagine how much "guy who snaps at his waiter" energy it takes to make this group seem likable.
It's a lot and there is every indication that Piven is just as much the abrasive jerkwad as Ari Gold, the character he portrays. That's why we're so tickled by this next piece of information: Apparantly Jeremy Piven is charging $15,000 to have a ten-minute conversation with him over Zoom.
Yes, you can now talk to Jeremy Piven, thanks to the site Cameo. It should come as no surprise that Piven would charge $15,000 to have a ten-minute conversation with him, but the sheer audacity of it is still impressive enough to bring us to our feet. This is a man who's Hollywood career could best be described as "existing," yet he, or the people at Cameo, feel the market is strong enough to charge a brand new car amount of cash for ten minutes of face-time with Piven.
Surely there's an OnlyFans account where you could pay to spend ten minutes staring into a gaping asshole and we imagine it would cost much less than $15,000. Still, if Piven isn't your style, Cameo also offers personal conversation from a whole host of other people who really stretch the definition of what it means to be a celebrity.
Hmm. We can sort of see the appeal of Dr. Drew as $707 for ten minutes of therapy is probably in line with current medical costs in this country anyway, but still, if you splurge for the extra $43, we think Gilbert Gottfried would make a better therapist. Otherwise, we don't know why anyone would pay for any of this ever. If you ever find yourself with $500 and ten minutes to make a phone call and your first thought is "I'm calling Sinbad" then we hope your next thought is "I'm calling an ambulance" because you're clearly in the middle of a brain aneurism.
Also, as a complete aside, but damn, Drake Bell is less expensive a get than the mom of a former Bachelor contestant. That's a precipitous fall, but at least he's being an accessible option. Maybe you'll get a few ironic phone calls sometime from some former 90's kids with too much cash on hand and sadness on hearts. Jeremy Piven, meanwhile, is hoping someone will pay $15,000 to be talked to like this:
Good luck to all involved.
Support Dan on Twitter and he will talk about his life with you in lieu of getting a therapist.
Top Image: HBO