NFL Player Earl Thomas And His Brother Are Weird AF
It was recently revealed that Nina Thomas, the wife of Baltimore Ravens and Former Seattle Seahawks Safety Earl Thomas III, was arrested April 13th in Austin, Texas, for holding her husband up at gunpoint after she caught him cheating with another woman. The situation occurred after Nina found footage of Earl with another woman on his Snapchat account, which she then used to track Earl to a nearby Airbnb. When she arrived at the house, she "discovered Earl and (his brother) Seth naked in bed with other women," as TMZ first reported.
Now, as alarming as it is to find out that your husband is cheating on you, that still doesn't excuse pointing a loaded gun at a person's head and chasing that person around with a knife, as police later found them. But we've also got to say, "Wait? Did Earl Thomas have group sex with his brother?"
Well, sorta. As ESPN later reported, Nina "found her husband and his brother in separate bedrooms with two other women," and we can't help but laugh as we imagine Earl Thomas making sure to stress that point to ESPN reporters.
ESPN: So you're saying she chased you around the room with a knife and your marriage is in shambles?
Earl Thomas III: Yeah, yeah, whatever. Look, make sure you say separate bedrooms. I repeat. Separate bedrooms.
ESPN: Right, but about the knife thing...
Earl Thomas III: ... that means it's not technically group sex.
ESPN: Well, you were in a group and you were having sex at the exact same time.
Earl Thomas III: SHUT UP!
So it's actually unclear where to place the Thomas brothers, or the "Legion of Bang," as we will now forever call them, on the Uncomfortable Relations With Your Siblings Meter. Just because they were found in separate bedrooms doesn't mean there weren't some very weird stuff going on beforehand in the Uber. But we won't speculate further. Is it still gross to coordinate sex so that you're having it at the same time as your brother? We seem to think so, but as Earl pointed out in a now-deleted Instagram post, "stuff like this happens" so who knows. Maybe the famous 12th man in Seattle was just someone's brother they invited to the frequent team orgies?
We'll just say that for Earl Thomas III (the III also now standing for how many people he likes to have in the vicinity when having sex) it's been a pretty rough week. His marriage is probably over, he probably doesn't have a very good customer rating on AirBnB, and the world is now wondering at what stage of undress he and his brother decided to book it to separate bedrooms. But hey, if he needs someone to talk to, we know just the guys.
Dan is on Twitter and will talk about life with you in lieu of getting a therapist and he also hosts The Bachelor Zone Podcast, where you can hear him give a sports-style breakdown of all things happening on The Bachelor.
Top Image: Jeffrey Beall/Wiki Commons