Elon Musk breaks barriers. Like when he broke through the barrier of respected business meathead to become a full-on coronavirus conspiracy theorist. He's so bought into the role of himself as a modern technological ubermensch that he can't help but name his newborn baby boy something I can't type because it contains symbols that will break our publishing tool. So here it is in tweet form:
Or maybe accidentally tweeted his Twitter password. The mashed-up a-e is some Latin thing or something who cares, but it's pronounced "Ash." The A-12 is (maybe?) a reference to the Lockheed A-12 spy plane, which was nicknamed the "Archangel." So, if we've successfully cracked this remedial Da Vinci code, that means the Musk baby's name is pronounced "X Ash Archangel Musk." Or maybe since the X is the Roman numeral for the number 10 and Gabriel was the biblical archangel, it's "Tenash Gabriel Musk." Look, the point is these people are exhausting. Elon and his girlfriend Grimes think they're the techno king and virtual queen of a William Gibson-esque cyberpunk dystopia when we're all really just trapped in a Bones rerun. There's a case to be made for going against the grain with an uncommon or even usual name. But naming your baby after the nickname for a U.S. government spy plane is a little on-the-nose for a modern billionaire tech-bro.
Pair the baby name inspired by planes and heavenly figures with his quest to put people on Mars and the recent news that he's partnering up with NASA and Tom Cruise to make an action movie set in actual, literal outer space, and it's become apparent that Elon has grown tired of this planet. He instead wants to be sitting alone on a Mars stump like a version of Dr. Manhattan who unironically says "that's what she said," and giggles at the number 69 because, as he will yell you (every time), it's the number that looks like two people doing mouth stuff to each other.
Elon is taking the first ticket off this rock for good the second he gets the chance. He'll be leaving behind a legacy that includes a smattering his fans adding numbers to their kids names using the same thought process that led to their screenname BigChud1977.
Luis can be found on Twitter and Facebook. Catch him on the "In Broad Daylight" podcast with Cracked alums Adam Tod Brown and Ian Fortey! Check out his regular contributions to Macaulay Culkin's BunnyEars.com and his "Meditation Minute" segments on the Bunny Ears podcast. Listen to the first episode on Youtube!
Top Image: DC Comics