Alex Jones' Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Month

The coronavirus situation has brought out all kinds of craziness in people who might otherwise have been perfectly fine. Conspiracy theorists are having a field day, but with one notable exception -- the patron saint of dumb conspiracies, Alex Jones.

Jones has had a hell of a month. Due to a combination of ongoing court stuff and the media's (thankfully) newfound reluctance to give him much attention, you may have been tricked into thinking he'd been quiet lately. But, we're going to start with a deposition and barrel straight through into ass-eating, so buckle up.

Trying to put a wrap on his Sandy Hook trial, Jones claimed under deposition that he'd been going through a, quote, "form of psychosis" when making all the false claims about the Sandy Hook shooting being a conspiracy. He's effectively stating that after further investigation, he believes there was a mass shooting where children died. The bravery. Well, at least he's admitting he has problems, and that's the first step, right?

Wrong. He's back in the saddle, not caring about children again. His ex-wife, Kelly Jones, had to take his ass back to court because lo and behold, he brought their kids to a rally full of unprotected people in Austin, Texas. Kelly didn't want to let the kids go back to their dad after finding out -- so he drove over and picked the girls up from her place without Kelly noticing. She asked for an emergency 14-day custody of the kids, out of caution over the coronavirus so that Alex could be sure he wasn't infected. That would make perfect sense, but this is the world of Alex Jones, so that request was denied.

That's just in his personal life, too. Over on his show, he usually takes an opportunity to sell garbage products to fund his garbage kingdom. He started rebranding to suggest that his products, such as toothpaste, would help fight against the coronavirus (they don't). It got so egregious that the FDA had to step in and make him stop. He also sells "doomsday prepper" type stuff, including bulk food. This would also have been fine if he wasn't doubling the prices of it to take advantage of the situation, a practice that is illegal in most states. Luckily, the number of people he could screw over had been reduced, as Google Play finally followed Apple's example and kicked his app off their store.

Finally, we got this:

Yeah, this is going to look great at the next custody hearing. We have no qualms about eating ass, but there's the fun kind of eating ass, and there's cannibal kind of eating ass. Jones is talking about the latter. He doesn't even make it sound even remotely like a joke, which we guess is part of his schtick. We can't state for certain that he's legitimately thought about how to hang and dress a human carcass. But he would for sure have a dry rub for long pig ready to sell if he did.

Top Image: Sean P. Anderson/Wiki Commons