As kids, we were all always taught that global pandemics that result in mass quarantines aren't bad, they're just an opportunity to steal a Van Gogh. A group of thieves heeded that advice and did just that, leaving the rest of us to regret another golden opportunity gone to waste, killed by our cowardice.
Van Gogh, it turns out, did several other paintings other than "Starry Night" and his series of self-portraits that, collectively, let you know he'd be right at home on Instagram.
Vincent van Gogh
We, the general public, are now aware of at least one more, "Parish Garden in Nuenen, Spring", because it's the one that was stolen on Monday from the Singer Laren museum in the Netherlands. The work (which was valued at 5 million euros) had been on loan. Thanks to the worldwide pandemic, the museum was closed and Van Gogh's painting of a woman walking toward church looking like she was caught off guard by the guy the main with the easel who painted her for several hours was just sitting there, lonely -- like the rest of us -- yearning for human contact. It's wish came true Monday night.
Vincent van Gogh
The thieves' planning must have been as exhausting and extraordinary as the plan's execution. It really is an astonishing tale of high-stake dare-doing with multiple players working their various cons at the precise moments, all in concert, all in an effort to steal a prized painting. See, what they did was, they smashed a fucking window and stole the painting. That's it.
Sounds like they didn't have a single schematic and didn't hack the security system to play old security footage on a loop. The level of complexity that went into this art heist has more in common with the Twix you impulse-bought in the grocery store checkout line than it does a plot from an Ocean's movie. To really rub it in, the theft went down on what would have been Vincent Van Gogh's 167th birthday. Good thing he wasn't alive to have seen this. He would be feeling helpless from within the secret government lab where scientists have been experimenting on him to discover his secret to eternal life.
Top Image: Vincent van Gogh
Luis can be found on Twitter and Facebook. Check out his regular contributions to Macaulay Culkin's BunnyEars.com and his "Meditation Minute" segments on the Bunny Ears podcast. And now you can listen to the first episode on Youtube!