Sorry Texas, But No One Needs To Learn Cursive Ever Again
Cursive was only necessary during the era where pulling feathers from bird's butts and dipping them in ink was the only way to write things down. Despite managing to linger around for some time after non-bird writing implements were invented, it was practically a given that it wouldn't survive the digital age. Though, it would've been fun to see tweets about eating ass written in beautiful cursive swishes and loops like Civil War letters. That's why it's baffling that Texas, after having loosened their emphasis on teaching cursive in school curriculums over the years, will be making kids learn cursive in earnest beginning this fall. The weirder part is that it's not just happening in Texas. Cursive is seeing a resurgence across the American South.
In 2010, only six of the 16 states that are a part of the Southern Regional Education Board taught cursive. That number has since jumped up to 14 southern states trying to defibrillate a corpse. Maybe it has something to do with the Bible Belt's fascination with the end times. When He has risen and takes all who are worthy with Him, we heathens left behind will bear witness to society's crumble. With the pious no longer around to hold things together, technological infrastructure will decay and we'll be reduced to communicating by hand like the barbarians we once were - so we better make it look all nice and curvy and shit.
This needless resurgence feels like it stems from a coalition of Boomers and Gen-Xers getting mad at Millennials and Zoomers for refusing to author their Harry Potter fan-fic on ancient scrolls with fine feathered quills when a keyboard is faster and more legible. Ultimately, these kids won't remember how to write anything in cursive besides their own name, because they've scribbled it 10,000 times just in case selfies haven't totally replaced autographs as the celebrity memorabilia of choice by the time they're famous Minecraft YouTubers.
Luis can be found on Twitter and Facebook. Check out his regular contributions to Macaulay Culkin's BunnyEars.com and his "Meditation Minute" segments on the Bunny Ears podcast. And now you can listen to the first episode on Youtube!